12/28/2005 c1 Stranger
Hehe . . . Sy . . . no love story, please! You need to post the seccond chapter, my friend (since I finally got the notebook back to you). ;-)

12/2/2005 c1 132samwise606
Very good, classic fantasy at its finest! You did a good job of setting up the mideval/fantasy feel at the beginning, just because of the traders and bargaining and everything...reminded me of Sloan and then the traders in the beginning of Eragon. The personalities were well-developed too, like Sy was this friendly outgoing guy, obviously a leader, and then Ayan is just cold and closed and solitary...And Quellyn is pretty cool too. Since they're supposed to be rescuing a princess, and since the summary said something about a dragon, I assume there's going to be more...I hope so at least. Tell all your friends who helped that they did a great job. Was someon'e name really Anne Onymous?-Samwise

11/19/2005 c1 3KrazieShadowNinja
This is pretty good! I just sort of don't understand about all the sudden Sy just decided for them to go. But oh well. I read your profile, cuz I was bored. That's cool that Paolini wrote back! I wish I could write him about some of the problems I'm having. Anyway, update soon!

7/12/2005 c1 3namida yuki
First of all, I love the names. I believe a name affects how the character is projected into the mind of the reader. Sy, Ayan and Quellyn. (Is there going to be a love story between Sy and Ayan? hehe) Good intro, too. You managed to get the characters together quickly, and I do hope the next move at a faster phase since it's supposed to be an adventure.

I noticed something though, you write "redhead" rather inconsistently, sometimes with a - and sometimes as two separate words. (I think it's just one word?) I like the dialogue, it's something I can really get into, but a lot of parts, like this one-

"Fifty""Get out of my store""Raise your price"

seems rather awkward without punctuation marks. You should recheck your work. ü And I agree with Mad Aristocrat about putting a bit more description.

6/23/2005 c1 1Mad Aristocrat
I like your policy. I'm like that too. Now for the review.

Okay. This seems to be off to a good start. I like that the characters names aren't extraordinarily hard first of all. Also the idea of finding the princess seems to be a good adventure to set on as well.

The only things I could probably pick at is - Try to put in a bit more descriptions and check your grammar a bit. My grammar isn't all that great either - But yours isn't really big things. Like sometimes you just didn't indent between words or you spelt 'taht' instead of 'that'. That's all really.

Update soon. I'll try - and I'll read more stuff after I update and get reviews. Policies rock!

6/4/2005 c1 3Lady Isaiah
You're off to a great start. I love the three differences in characters, but one thing. Watch that punctuation.

Okay, over to buisness. I was thinking that I will post on Fictionpress on "How to Write Better" or something along those lines on tips and hints on how to write a better novel. And I know that it won't get you published PUBLISHED, but, it's a step closer to getting in on top of the editor's pile.

And then ou can submit in a review the "work" or whatever that I give. Or it'll be just plain reviews. Most of the time, there won't be work. It's mostly rules.

So what do you think?

C U!

-Scifi