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8/17/2006 c26 6Nobody-n-Particular
Interesting, introducing the archaic language now - definitely alters the tone. Sounds nice.
8/17/2006 c25 Nobody-n-Particular
Powerful.
8/17/2006 c24 Nobody-n-Particular
So richly sadistic...
8/17/2006 c23 Nobody-n-Particular
Quite a mouthful that first word... Once I got past that, the rest is lovely.
8/17/2006 c22 Nobody-n-Particular
Nice superior tone that has a touch of softness.
8/17/2006 c21 Nobody-n-Particular
Love the energy and bits in paranthesis.
7/27/2006 c1 Zions dreamer
I Like it holds a lot of weight and is compact my sort of poetry and the pictures in it are almost singing for you to pick them up and rap them around the tendrils of thought that permeate our lives I don’t know if you can tell but I’m not a computer chick really and somehow my own writing gets confused in the transition form the physical to the cyber yours has managed to retain the essence of the poem so yay for Osunale a cc is that reading your work you have some great description try stay away from the cliché it doesn’t become your style neat poem (sorry I talk to much)
5/25/2006 c26 Gagging Angel
I delight in your words, as always. "Limply follow, swallow whole/key not fitting any known lock" has some delightful letter/word arrangements. I love how your titles seem to take your poems and give them entirely unexpected meanings. You are a great manipulater of the short phrases.
5/13/2006 c5 96Devil's Footprint
Well, I don't think you need to worry about improving your writing-it's great. These poems are all extremely well written and surprisingly intelligent. I've only read up to ch. 5, and I haven't read any of your stories yet, but I do have one suggestion: shake things up a bit. Add parentheses and quotations and don't capitalize the first word of every line and write things that you're not supposed to write in poems and format it how poems shouldn't be formatted. The key to truly improving your writing is to throw in a dose of avant garde, and when writing poetry, don't write a poem, write a Thought.
4/26/2006 c1 10Zions dreamer
LOVE IT this is really stupid but it made me hungry love the abrupt it really works. Maginfique! PsI Like it to much to want to change anything sorry your not alowed to change anything ever!
3/9/2006 c19 6the1andonlygnush
The interpretations of this poem could go a million ways. I really love the imagery and where the lines are divided. I shall be reading more.
3/6/2006 c1 darkstarsgrace
gorgeous poem, the symbolism is amazing. nice job. ~*
10/30/2005 c7 simpletonsgrin
I liked the first stanza- the rest jut didn't compare.

i especially liked the line "whethter ripped skin or broken soul" -

raw, yet somehow detached.

good work.

-simpleton
9/28/2005 c20 6Nobody-n-Particular
I love the broken nature of the piece. Nicely done.
9/13/2005 c1 368EWindheim
So deep it seems to escape me. I caught the referance to poetry though. Are you saying something about how you can mix apples and oranges? Just wondering. Nicely written though.
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