for Song of a Foolish Hero6/11/2005 c1 Mom
Wow! I like it. Pretty amazing for just sitting down and writing it out. I would give it a couple days and then re-read it. You may want to make some edits then. I like the message. But I have one question - What happens to the girl what part does she play? Why introduce her if she has nothing to do with the story?
Wow! I like it. Pretty amazing for just sitting down and writing it out. I would give it a couple days and then re-read it. You may want to make some edits then. I like the message. But I have one question - What happens to the girl what part does she play? Why introduce her if she has nothing to do with the story?
6/11/2005 c1 
32eldrin
-4th stanza-last line seems rather...off.-Noticed a few times where there is a mixture of past and present tense.-Starts off a little slow, but I soon see you getting into a flow of lovely words. -The battle scene between the man/demon and the beast...wow...was written extremely well.-Last stanza does a wonderful job of tying up the poem and leaving the reader with a sense of completion and coming away with something more than they had.
Overall a lovely epic, there are a few rough spots, but for the most part I find this a very interesting and pleasant to read poem. Wonderful work here indeed! These epic-like poems are rather difficult to write, but you pull it off, and it would seem (from this one example) that you have a talent for writing them.
32eldrin-4th stanza-last line seems rather...off.-Noticed a few times where there is a mixture of past and present tense.-Starts off a little slow, but I soon see you getting into a flow of lovely words. -The battle scene between the man/demon and the beast...wow...was written extremely well.-Last stanza does a wonderful job of tying up the poem and leaving the reader with a sense of completion and coming away with something more than they had.
Overall a lovely epic, there are a few rough spots, but for the most part I find this a very interesting and pleasant to read poem. Wonderful work here indeed! These epic-like poems are rather difficult to write, but you pull it off, and it would seem (from this one example) that you have a talent for writing them.