for Fools Gold6/13/2006 c1 
1EBradley
I like it! It is a different style of writing, from the first person perspective with no dialogue, as if the story is being retold. The story needs more background, and developments of characters and setting because at this point it is a bit confusing. Keep writing!
1EBradleyI like it! It is a different style of writing, from the first person perspective with no dialogue, as if the story is being retold. The story needs more background, and developments of characters and setting because at this point it is a bit confusing. Keep writing!
5/20/2006 c1 9Aluminum Tinkerbell
Oh, I like this. You should continue! One thing, "their around his neck" should be "there around his neck".
Nice work, otherwise though!
9Aluminum TinkerbellOh, I like this. You should continue! One thing, "their around his neck" should be "there around his neck".
Nice work, otherwise though!
6/15/2005 c1 1Shuyan
This is a pretty good story, you should definitly continue with this. Only thing though is that-in my opinion-it was kinda stupid of...I dunno, the main-charecter, you didnt say his name. But I thought it dumb for him to just drop his shield from such a height to alarm the Tribesman that he was climbing. 'Cause if the Tribesman was a better archer he woulda' picked him off easily being as he was so un-protected climbing up the rock-face. It kinda' defeats the fact that he lived throughout all those battles-as the story said- and still lived if he made the mistake of dropping his shield. Hope this helps, later!
1ShuyanThis is a pretty good story, you should definitly continue with this. Only thing though is that-in my opinion-it was kinda stupid of...I dunno, the main-charecter, you didnt say his name. But I thought it dumb for him to just drop his shield from such a height to alarm the Tribesman that he was climbing. 'Cause if the Tribesman was a better archer he woulda' picked him off easily being as he was so un-protected climbing up the rock-face. It kinda' defeats the fact that he lived throughout all those battles-as the story said- and still lived if he made the mistake of dropping his shield. Hope this helps, later!
6/15/2005 c1 1Strangely Coloured Dog
The style is interesting. It reminds me a bit of John Steinbeck’s ‘The Pearl’. Simple language used to describe the thoughts of simple people. That’s not a bad thing, I hope you don’t take it as such.
I think there might be a bit of a missed opportunity with this story. A plot like this could be taken a step farther without really complicated the style too much. A bit of exploration into the price of the gold, what they have to give to ensure the riches of another man. That sort of thing. But that’s just my opinion, I’m a fan of digging into human nature, for good or bad.
Congratulations on the style points. Please don’t take this as a flame, just some helpful (or not) advice.
-SCD
1Strangely Coloured DogThe style is interesting. It reminds me a bit of John Steinbeck’s ‘The Pearl’. Simple language used to describe the thoughts of simple people. That’s not a bad thing, I hope you don’t take it as such.
I think there might be a bit of a missed opportunity with this story. A plot like this could be taken a step farther without really complicated the style too much. A bit of exploration into the price of the gold, what they have to give to ensure the riches of another man. That sort of thing. But that’s just my opinion, I’m a fan of digging into human nature, for good or bad.
Congratulations on the style points. Please don’t take this as a flame, just some helpful (or not) advice.
-SCD
6/15/2005 c1 9Eyetk
Hmm, interesting! The style works for you..
A suggestion to liven it up-put dialogue in there to try to make it more interesting. It sounds as if this is someone telling a story to someone else...so maybe have the someone else interrupt now and then? Occasional humour is always good, provided it's at an appropriate spot in the piece..
9EyetkHmm, interesting! The style works for you..
A suggestion to liven it up-put dialogue in there to try to make it more interesting. It sounds as if this is someone telling a story to someone else...so maybe have the someone else interrupt now and then? Occasional humour is always good, provided it's at an appropriate spot in the piece..