for Woman's World: Apostasy12/3/2008 c53 
2icthus
Your copy 'n' paste review made me giggle, as usual. Where do you get your inspiration for those?
Okay, I actually have something legitimate to suggest! Yay me!
"I think he would be proud of me. I think that somewhere, he must be one of our sympathizers. Somewhere, he must be watching me from a distance, glorying in my accomplishments, praying for me, urging me onward in his thoughts. Do you think?"
That ended weirdly, and I think you should nix the 'do you think' . . . nowhere else in the books has the Poetess appealed to the reader, so it doesn't fit for that reason. But also, it's kind of cheesy, and the Poetess doesn't do cheesy. So it doesn't fit for that reason, either. But ending the paragraph with the previous sentence wouldn't feel complete, either . . . Maybe swap out 'do you think' with something personal to the Poetess. Like 'I certainly hoped so' or something, but not lame like my typing it sounds to me. LOL.
2icthusYour copy 'n' paste review made me giggle, as usual. Where do you get your inspiration for those?
Okay, I actually have something legitimate to suggest! Yay me!
"I think he would be proud of me. I think that somewhere, he must be one of our sympathizers. Somewhere, he must be watching me from a distance, glorying in my accomplishments, praying for me, urging me onward in his thoughts. Do you think?"
That ended weirdly, and I think you should nix the 'do you think' . . . nowhere else in the books has the Poetess appealed to the reader, so it doesn't fit for that reason. But also, it's kind of cheesy, and the Poetess doesn't do cheesy. So it doesn't fit for that reason, either. But ending the paragraph with the previous sentence wouldn't feel complete, either . . . Maybe swap out 'do you think' with something personal to the Poetess. Like 'I certainly hoped so' or something, but not lame like my typing it sounds to me. LOL.
12/3/2008 c52 icthus
Being a good reviewer again. Two in a row! I'm getting good at this. :D
I have a problem with the bed sharing thing, though I understand it. But, that's not so much related to the characters in question, as a morality issue for me. Though I had no question as to whether or not they had sex (obviously they didn't, at least not in this chapter), it still . . . I don't know. It builds the physical/emotional intimacy more than is healthy (in my opinion, at least) for friends - especially when one is still hoping for something more.
And I'm really starting to have a problem with Charolyn. How uncool she is! Holy cow. I seriously want to throw the shoe at her. No matter how busy you get, you should always, always, ALWAYS treat people like people. People deserve to know things that are going on. Especially when they are involved in the thing personally (i.e., the Poetess being involved in the rebellion, or a relationship between a guy and girl and where exactly it is going/desired to go). There are way too many people like Charolyn in the world.
Being a good reviewer again. Two in a row! I'm getting good at this. :D
I have a problem with the bed sharing thing, though I understand it. But, that's not so much related to the characters in question, as a morality issue for me. Though I had no question as to whether or not they had sex (obviously they didn't, at least not in this chapter), it still . . . I don't know. It builds the physical/emotional intimacy more than is healthy (in my opinion, at least) for friends - especially when one is still hoping for something more.
And I'm really starting to have a problem with Charolyn. How uncool she is! Holy cow. I seriously want to throw the shoe at her. No matter how busy you get, you should always, always, ALWAYS treat people like people. People deserve to know things that are going on. Especially when they are involved in the thing personally (i.e., the Poetess being involved in the rebellion, or a relationship between a guy and girl and where exactly it is going/desired to go). There are way too many people like Charolyn in the world.
12/3/2008 c51 icthus
Me again, being a dutiful and wonderful reviewer, though really I only have complaints about Carowyn's kissing her cheek. Maybe if the situation was different, I could brush that off as brotherly affection. But I know better. Blah.
And thank you for making other people suspicious of him, too, even if it's for a completely different reason. You rock. I suppose it was good tension building, though I can't really feel the tension now that I've stopped to think about it . . . I had a hard time stopping and reviewing, but I'm being a good reviewer now so I made myself. Aren't you proud of me?
Me again, being a dutiful and wonderful reviewer, though really I only have complaints about Carowyn's kissing her cheek. Maybe if the situation was different, I could brush that off as brotherly affection. But I know better. Blah.
And thank you for making other people suspicious of him, too, even if it's for a completely different reason. You rock. I suppose it was good tension building, though I can't really feel the tension now that I've stopped to think about it . . . I had a hard time stopping and reviewing, but I'm being a good reviewer now so I made myself. Aren't you proud of me?
12/2/2008 c50 icthus
Blah. So she'll be in close quarters with Carowyn on the trip, big deal that it won't be problematic for her. But what about him? How will his desires for a relationship with her be affected by all that time spent with her without Shae around? He never really let go of the idea, as evidenced by his question of 'what if you met me first?' and his response to her answer. Even aside from the getting more annoying to the Poetess, what about his emotional health? You'd better take him under the same protection that Shae and the Poetess have from really bad things because now I'm feeling bad for him (shocking) and kind of disgusted with the Poetess (apocalypse must be nigh) because of the selfishness of the thought, 'well, it won't cause any problems for me so I'm okay with it'.
Gagh! This is just my complaining. So many people, myself included at times, just think of themselves - but what about the other people affected by the same things? Sigh. We are such a selfish people. And then there's the stupid people, again myself included at times, who care so much about how every little thing will affect someone else that they are always nervous about making decisions - even what movie to go to. Why do we have to jump from one extreme to the other? Why can't we find that healthy balance instead of playing the part of the ping pong ball?
Alright, my rant is over. Sorry for my absence, I've had a very busy and long Thanksgiving and weekend, but life is starting to resume as before - until Christmas looms closer and then it'll start getting all weird again.
I'm glad I've inspired you. That's awesome, and thanks so much for letting me know! I forget sometimes that that can happen after someone gets reviews . . . I'm going to try to be a lot better at writing them for each chapter, even if I just ramble or rant or whatever. In other news, I still have not figured out entirely why I am so affected by Laina's character, but I'm thinking it has to do with my ex-best friend, who was a lot like that and always rubbed in my face how much time she was spending with my now husband back when he and I were just friends (but she knew I was attracted to him and we were planning on dating/getting married), and blah. Yah, I'm getting the same reactions to my acknowledging that as I do to Laina. I'm pretty sure I've figured it out. Now . . . how to deal with it so that I can be okay with Laina? . . . No idea. I'll work on it.
And Charoline might be best, because of the concerns brought up. But it'll be hard to transition out of Charolyn, for the same reason you mentioned about Mercoush - Charoline will be, even just slightly, a different character because it doesn't look the same, even if it is exactly the same in pronunciation.
Blah. So she'll be in close quarters with Carowyn on the trip, big deal that it won't be problematic for her. But what about him? How will his desires for a relationship with her be affected by all that time spent with her without Shae around? He never really let go of the idea, as evidenced by his question of 'what if you met me first?' and his response to her answer. Even aside from the getting more annoying to the Poetess, what about his emotional health? You'd better take him under the same protection that Shae and the Poetess have from really bad things because now I'm feeling bad for him (shocking) and kind of disgusted with the Poetess (apocalypse must be nigh) because of the selfishness of the thought, 'well, it won't cause any problems for me so I'm okay with it'.
Gagh! This is just my complaining. So many people, myself included at times, just think of themselves - but what about the other people affected by the same things? Sigh. We are such a selfish people. And then there's the stupid people, again myself included at times, who care so much about how every little thing will affect someone else that they are always nervous about making decisions - even what movie to go to. Why do we have to jump from one extreme to the other? Why can't we find that healthy balance instead of playing the part of the ping pong ball?
Alright, my rant is over. Sorry for my absence, I've had a very busy and long Thanksgiving and weekend, but life is starting to resume as before - until Christmas looms closer and then it'll start getting all weird again.
I'm glad I've inspired you. That's awesome, and thanks so much for letting me know! I forget sometimes that that can happen after someone gets reviews . . . I'm going to try to be a lot better at writing them for each chapter, even if I just ramble or rant or whatever. In other news, I still have not figured out entirely why I am so affected by Laina's character, but I'm thinking it has to do with my ex-best friend, who was a lot like that and always rubbed in my face how much time she was spending with my now husband back when he and I were just friends (but she knew I was attracted to him and we were planning on dating/getting married), and blah. Yah, I'm getting the same reactions to my acknowledging that as I do to Laina. I'm pretty sure I've figured it out. Now . . . how to deal with it so that I can be okay with Laina? . . . No idea. I'll work on it.
And Charoline might be best, because of the concerns brought up. But it'll be hard to transition out of Charolyn, for the same reason you mentioned about Mercoush - Charoline will be, even just slightly, a different character because it doesn't look the same, even if it is exactly the same in pronunciation.
11/29/2008 c48 icthus
For your survey:
20.
Female.
Boise, ID.
Brenna. (My actual name; don't you feel privileged?)
For the chapter:
The only thing I have to comment on (which means the rest is good) is the Bible quote towards the end - the God's name in vain thing. And this has nothing to do with your book, just a pet peeve. People get all in a huff about using God's name in vain, but we don't really know what was being said to people in that culture anymore. Back then, your name was who you are. It was so much more powerful than it has become in this day and age. That is why names in the Bible changed so much (Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, Paul to Saul, Jacob to Israel, etc.) - when their character changed, their name changed to match. Or their name changed as a prophecy of what they would (and did) become.
So when the Bible says to not take God's name in vain, it's not just talking about the cursing. It's talking about saying you belong to God and living the way those who don't belong to God live. (This goes into my whole dislike of the term 'Christian'.)
Okay. I'm done with the religious stuff in this review. One thing I just thought about to ask you, though. The first generation of Equals was the remaining women's male children. Right? So, wouldn't the rest of the male children born to those women - even because of the slaves - by that reasoning also be Equals? How did the leader-what's-her-name convince the others to give up their next sons as slaves? Being a mother, I can't even fathom that happening - maybe they'd think similar to the leader at the beginning of the pregnancy, but after that bond with the baby gets stronger, there's no way I can understand a woman would be okay with something like that. It borders on inhuman, from my experience - especially after seeing the baby born . . . I have no words for that precious moment of seeing my son for the first time.
For your survey:
20.
Female.
Boise, ID.
Brenna. (My actual name; don't you feel privileged?)
For the chapter:
The only thing I have to comment on (which means the rest is good) is the Bible quote towards the end - the God's name in vain thing. And this has nothing to do with your book, just a pet peeve. People get all in a huff about using God's name in vain, but we don't really know what was being said to people in that culture anymore. Back then, your name was who you are. It was so much more powerful than it has become in this day and age. That is why names in the Bible changed so much (Abram to Abraham, Sarai to Sarah, Paul to Saul, Jacob to Israel, etc.) - when their character changed, their name changed to match. Or their name changed as a prophecy of what they would (and did) become.
So when the Bible says to not take God's name in vain, it's not just talking about the cursing. It's talking about saying you belong to God and living the way those who don't belong to God live. (This goes into my whole dislike of the term 'Christian'.)
Okay. I'm done with the religious stuff in this review. One thing I just thought about to ask you, though. The first generation of Equals was the remaining women's male children. Right? So, wouldn't the rest of the male children born to those women - even because of the slaves - by that reasoning also be Equals? How did the leader-what's-her-name convince the others to give up their next sons as slaves? Being a mother, I can't even fathom that happening - maybe they'd think similar to the leader at the beginning of the pregnancy, but after that bond with the baby gets stronger, there's no way I can understand a woman would be okay with something like that. It borders on inhuman, from my experience - especially after seeing the baby born . . . I have no words for that precious moment of seeing my son for the first time.
11/29/2008 c46 icthus
In response to your author's note: Nobody seems to know where Idaho is, either. I have to mention Oregon before they clue in and figure out the general area I live in. The sad thing? These are people in senior high, in college, or out of school. What is actually being taught to the students? Obviously not geography.
Nothing much to say about the chapter itself. It was good, as per usual, but not really attention grabbing (for me, at least); that's not to say you shouldn't have written it this way or whatever, because there's really no other way to write it. It's just one of those things in a book that isn't really remarkable in any particular way, but is crucial to the entire thing.
Your book-ending quotes make me sad, because they are true. I've never known it as powerfully as when I finished the Twilight saga. I actually cried when I ended that one because there was no more of the beautiful story.
In response to your author's note: Nobody seems to know where Idaho is, either. I have to mention Oregon before they clue in and figure out the general area I live in. The sad thing? These are people in senior high, in college, or out of school. What is actually being taught to the students? Obviously not geography.
Nothing much to say about the chapter itself. It was good, as per usual, but not really attention grabbing (for me, at least); that's not to say you shouldn't have written it this way or whatever, because there's really no other way to write it. It's just one of those things in a book that isn't really remarkable in any particular way, but is crucial to the entire thing.
Your book-ending quotes make me sad, because they are true. I've never known it as powerfully as when I finished the Twilight saga. I actually cried when I ended that one because there was no more of the beautiful story.
11/29/2008 c45 icthus
I hate it when characters do that . . . and no matter how much you beg and plead and determine to not let it happen, they get their way. Agh.
While I don't love the pregnancy going away, I do love how you wrote about it. It reminds us that it really is the Poetess' story, and not yours - you are the author, all knowing, who could have said exactly what happened to the baby. The Poetess only knows what she's been told, or what she's seen or done personally. It's beautiful. :)
I hate it when characters do that . . . and no matter how much you beg and plead and determine to not let it happen, they get their way. Agh.
While I don't love the pregnancy going away, I do love how you wrote about it. It reminds us that it really is the Poetess' story, and not yours - you are the author, all knowing, who could have said exactly what happened to the baby. The Poetess only knows what she's been told, or what she's seen or done personally. It's beautiful. :)
11/28/2008 c40 icthus
Me again. I was reading the author notes in this chapter, and it's hard for me to let you take the Bible to the level you are . . . 'original' man being split into two and all that . . . Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm a Christian (though not as the word has become . . . whole other barrel of apples there), my Dad is a pastor who is fluent in Greek and Hebrew, etc., but God didn't 'split' the original creation into two parts. He took Adam's rib, yes, but created a completely new, and yet similar, creature out of it. However, He placed different parts of Him into men and women, so in the equality thing you are correct: that's how things are supposed to be. Neither man nor woman can get it right by themselves - men have a part that is needed, women have a part that is needed. But part of the curse after Adam and Eve sinned was that the man would rule over the woman, and she would want to rule over him and yadda yadda . . . So really, until we get to heaven there's no hope for actual equality - both will always feel (even a little bit) superior to the other, and both will be vying for the top position.
As for God being obsessed with cleanliness, you are right - to an extent. More, He was/is obsessed with us - like any parent. Kids are told not to do things by their parents, and most of the time they have no idea why, or the why doesn't make sense to them. But they are told not to play in kitty litter, or play with electric sockets, or take candy from strangers, etc. And why? Because doing those things will hurt them. That's the only reason God tells us no to things, because they will hurt us - even if we don't realize it at first or understand why it will hurt us.
I'm sorry if it seems I blew up at you or am trying to be all argumentative and all that, I just wanted to clarify some of your statements as far as my understanding goes. I agree with you in your conclusions, but some of your leading-up-to-the-conclusion statements are slightly off . . . again, in my understanding. I'd like to think I understand the Bible a little better than others in my age group because of my background with Greek and Hebrew and such, but I also know that I'm human so I am also flawed . . . blah. What I mean is, I'm not trying to come off as 'all knowing' and 'better than thou' or whatever. Is any of this making sense? Blah. You can e-mail me at if it doesn't. Or not. Whatever.
By the way, if Shae got it from Laina in an unmentioned tryst, you have a shoe heading your direction. I'm pretty certain that that isn't the case, but I just want to warn you.
Me again. I was reading the author notes in this chapter, and it's hard for me to let you take the Bible to the level you are . . . 'original' man being split into two and all that . . . Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm a Christian (though not as the word has become . . . whole other barrel of apples there), my Dad is a pastor who is fluent in Greek and Hebrew, etc., but God didn't 'split' the original creation into two parts. He took Adam's rib, yes, but created a completely new, and yet similar, creature out of it. However, He placed different parts of Him into men and women, so in the equality thing you are correct: that's how things are supposed to be. Neither man nor woman can get it right by themselves - men have a part that is needed, women have a part that is needed. But part of the curse after Adam and Eve sinned was that the man would rule over the woman, and she would want to rule over him and yadda yadda . . . So really, until we get to heaven there's no hope for actual equality - both will always feel (even a little bit) superior to the other, and both will be vying for the top position.
As for God being obsessed with cleanliness, you are right - to an extent. More, He was/is obsessed with us - like any parent. Kids are told not to do things by their parents, and most of the time they have no idea why, or the why doesn't make sense to them. But they are told not to play in kitty litter, or play with electric sockets, or take candy from strangers, etc. And why? Because doing those things will hurt them. That's the only reason God tells us no to things, because they will hurt us - even if we don't realize it at first or understand why it will hurt us.
I'm sorry if it seems I blew up at you or am trying to be all argumentative and all that, I just wanted to clarify some of your statements as far as my understanding goes. I agree with you in your conclusions, but some of your leading-up-to-the-conclusion statements are slightly off . . . again, in my understanding. I'd like to think I understand the Bible a little better than others in my age group because of my background with Greek and Hebrew and such, but I also know that I'm human so I am also flawed . . . blah. What I mean is, I'm not trying to come off as 'all knowing' and 'better than thou' or whatever. Is any of this making sense? Blah. You can e-mail me at if it doesn't. Or not. Whatever.
By the way, if Shae got it from Laina in an unmentioned tryst, you have a shoe heading your direction. I'm pretty certain that that isn't the case, but I just want to warn you.
11/28/2008 c34 icthus
Ew. Don't have Keira Knightley play the Poetess. Seriously, she would ruin it. Her characters are like, all the same - how they talk, how they act . . . while she does fit the physical requirements, I don't think she'd be able to play this character very well.
Still liking the story, but I'm not liking how they weren't completely honest with each other about Laina and Carowyn. That is problematic to relationships, even if it is the natural tendency. Grr.
Ew. Don't have Keira Knightley play the Poetess. Seriously, she would ruin it. Her characters are like, all the same - how they talk, how they act . . . while she does fit the physical requirements, I don't think she'd be able to play this character very well.
Still liking the story, but I'm not liking how they weren't completely honest with each other about Laina and Carowyn. That is problematic to relationships, even if it is the natural tendency. Grr.
11/28/2008 c32 icthus
I was expecting more fireworks when Carowyn entered the picture again. Not exactly physical violence, but definitely more bitterness on both Carowyn's and Shae's parts. Especially from Carowyn. Because he brightened up so quickly at her becoming an intern, I'm thinking he hasn't given up hope yet. Which means I'll probably really dislike him in future chapters, as will Shae.
I was expecting more fireworks when Carowyn entered the picture again. Not exactly physical violence, but definitely more bitterness on both Carowyn's and Shae's parts. Especially from Carowyn. Because he brightened up so quickly at her becoming an intern, I'm thinking he hasn't given up hope yet. Which means I'll probably really dislike him in future chapters, as will Shae.
11/27/2008 c30 icthus
Okay. I completely forgive you now. He didn't first speak to Laina, so once again you are my most favorite author ever. How could I have doubted you? I'm sorry. I'll try not to jump to conclusions next time.
Okay. I completely forgive you now. He didn't first speak to Laina, so once again you are my most favorite author ever. How could I have doubted you? I'm sorry. I'll try not to jump to conclusions next time.
11/27/2008 c29 icthus
*grudgingly* Yes, it was worth it. But you could have told me SOMETHING. Anything. Even a reminder that you like happy endings or something would have been fine.
I'm still mad that he spoke his first words to *venomously* Laina, but I've forgiven you now. Don't make me regret it.
Oh, and my only problem with Charolyn's name is that it's the only name ending in 'yn' that isn't pronounced 'in'. So it's difficult to remember to pronounce 'yn' as 'lean' in her name.
*grudgingly* Yes, it was worth it. But you could have told me SOMETHING. Anything. Even a reminder that you like happy endings or something would have been fine.
I'm still mad that he spoke his first words to *venomously* Laina, but I've forgiven you now. Don't make me regret it.
Oh, and my only problem with Charolyn's name is that it's the only name ending in 'yn' that isn't pronounced 'in'. So it's difficult to remember to pronounce 'yn' as 'lean' in her name.
11/27/2008 c27 icthus
Okay, I'm not as unhappy with you now. But I'm still a little irked about Shae speaking to Laina first, just so you know.
This and the other party chapter seem very unedited . . . I don't know, it was just an impression that I got. I can't think of any specifics to bring to your attention, it just seemed . . . unrefined. Or something. Aren't I helpful? Blah.
Okay, I'm not as unhappy with you now. But I'm still a little irked about Shae speaking to Laina first, just so you know.
This and the other party chapter seem very unedited . . . I don't know, it was just an impression that I got. I can't think of any specifics to bring to your attention, it just seemed . . . unrefined. Or something. Aren't I helpful? Blah.
11/27/2008 c26 icthus
I would have liked Laina being his sister a lot more than a potential lure away from the Poetess, but that's just me. I'm still pretty against her just because of her being there, and I still am not sure why I'm reacting so strongly - still. Seriously, I have no idea.
If he dies or something, I will not throw a spoon at you. I will throw a shoe. Hear me? And don't try me, I'm already tempted to do so because he spoke to Laina. What the heck? WHY would you do that? I don't care if he was going through traumatic flash backs at the time, that was specifically reserved for the Poetess! Now she'll never have that, ever, and it's all your fault. I mean, she'll have him to talk to later, but she'll never be there for the first words he speaks in how many years?
Okay. Back to reading.
I would have liked Laina being his sister a lot more than a potential lure away from the Poetess, but that's just me. I'm still pretty against her just because of her being there, and I still am not sure why I'm reacting so strongly - still. Seriously, I have no idea.
If he dies or something, I will not throw a spoon at you. I will throw a shoe. Hear me? And don't try me, I'm already tempted to do so because he spoke to Laina. What the heck? WHY would you do that? I don't care if he was going through traumatic flash backs at the time, that was specifically reserved for the Poetess! Now she'll never have that, ever, and it's all your fault. I mean, she'll have him to talk to later, but she'll never be there for the first words he speaks in how many years?
Okay. Back to reading.
11/27/2008 c25 icthus
Hey, I have a legitimate review this time! I mean, I have an actual question for you.
In a previous author's note, you mentioned something about the North Hall being around where Washington is, and the East Hall being around where New York is. So I'm wondering what happened to the difference in times? Or is it there, just not being mentioned? I'm just a little confused since both Halls' Spring Solstices are happening at the same time as far as chapters go. Then again, time difference could be assumed, but would that have changed during the women taking control?
Sorry if it's a stupid question, but you should answer it anyway. Because you had your favorite meal, or your cat didn't throw up on the floor, or whatever reason you want to use. Okay?
Hey, I have a legitimate review this time! I mean, I have an actual question for you.
In a previous author's note, you mentioned something about the North Hall being around where Washington is, and the East Hall being around where New York is. So I'm wondering what happened to the difference in times? Or is it there, just not being mentioned? I'm just a little confused since both Halls' Spring Solstices are happening at the same time as far as chapters go. Then again, time difference could be assumed, but would that have changed during the women taking control?
Sorry if it's a stupid question, but you should answer it anyway. Because you had your favorite meal, or your cat didn't throw up on the floor, or whatever reason you want to use. Okay?