for The Queen of Magoth : Chapter one, The Begining6/19/2005 c1 
3Ballerina with a Gun
Eh...well, the plot looks very interesting, and you seem to know where you're taking it. However, I noticed a definite lack of good grammar. 'I' - as in first-person - should always...*always*...be capitalized. When talking about yourself, it should never be written as 'i.' Example:
'So i dwell here...'
It should be -
'So I dwell here...'
Don't write numbers in numerical fashion. Instead of 10 yr old, write ten-year-old. It looks better.
Still, not bad. The plot seems very interesting. Keep writing.
3Ballerina with a GunEh...well, the plot looks very interesting, and you seem to know where you're taking it. However, I noticed a definite lack of good grammar. 'I' - as in first-person - should always...*always*...be capitalized. When talking about yourself, it should never be written as 'i.' Example:
'So i dwell here...'
It should be -
'So I dwell here...'
Don't write numbers in numerical fashion. Instead of 10 yr old, write ten-year-old. It looks better.
Still, not bad. The plot seems very interesting. Keep writing.
6/19/2005 c1 6MrFlames
You seem to still be lacking an understanding of the basic capacities of sentence structure, grammar, and description. Your story seems to be trite and cliche, but those problems are irrelevant unless you learn to type and write more effectively. Of course, at the same time, proper grammar is equally irrelevant if your story doesn't gain some relevance and/or originality.
6MrFlamesYou seem to still be lacking an understanding of the basic capacities of sentence structure, grammar, and description. Your story seems to be trite and cliche, but those problems are irrelevant unless you learn to type and write more effectively. Of course, at the same time, proper grammar is equally irrelevant if your story doesn't gain some relevance and/or originality.