for The Dinner12/8/2005 c1 Dancing4Jesus
After I read this, I leaned back in my chair with a smile on my face. The detail in this story is fantastic, as is the plot. Couple of small errors here and there, but nothing big. In the beginning paragraph, you describe her "fine silk shirt" and then in the next sentence you say "fine cooking". You may want to change one of those "fine"s to a different word, so as not to repeat yourself. I really liked the ending, but throughout the story, it seemed kind of strange for her to be constantly thinking "Surely, I am happy." I don't know why, that just sort of jumped out at me. Otherwise, I love this story!
After I read this, I leaned back in my chair with a smile on my face. The detail in this story is fantastic, as is the plot. Couple of small errors here and there, but nothing big. In the beginning paragraph, you describe her "fine silk shirt" and then in the next sentence you say "fine cooking". You may want to change one of those "fine"s to a different word, so as not to repeat yourself. I really liked the ending, but throughout the story, it seemed kind of strange for her to be constantly thinking "Surely, I am happy." I don't know why, that just sort of jumped out at me. Otherwise, I love this story!
10/14/2005 c1 
55ronshaberry
This is such a sweet story, and the imagery was great. I could actually hear the quiet clinking of the glasses, the muted whispers tickling your ear... the words just escaping your discerning. I could feel the coolness of the pearl, feel the food sliding sinuously down my throat... Okay, I think you get the idea. Great job!
55ronshaberryThis is such a sweet story, and the imagery was great. I could actually hear the quiet clinking of the glasses, the muted whispers tickling your ear... the words just escaping your discerning. I could feel the coolness of the pearl, feel the food sliding sinuously down my throat... Okay, I think you get the idea. Great job!
10/2/2005 c1 26perdita's kiss
wow, I like this a lot! It's sad and happy and thoughtful and creative...haha, yeah, very good, lovely, cheers. Mm, also, thanx for the review, it sort of boosted my mood a bit.
La
26perdita's kisswow, I like this a lot! It's sad and happy and thoughtful and creative...haha, yeah, very good, lovely, cheers. Mm, also, thanx for the review, it sort of boosted my mood a bit.
La
10/2/2005 c1 12rubyslipper
wow. this is a really great short story. i am currently reading a book of short stories and i have to say the one you have wrote should be in it! in short, it's awesome!
12rubyslipperwow. this is a really great short story. i am currently reading a book of short stories and i have to say the one you have wrote should be in it! in short, it's awesome!
8/15/2005 c1 4Stylo
Aw...=) That was so sweet! I especially like the way that "she" keeps trying to convince herself that a lady of her stature should not even glance at a couple of theirs. "I am a lady of class. I care not for people who order dishes as measly as chicken."I loved that line. It's so bitterly funny. I laughed out loud when I read it. =)Anyhow, keep up the cool writing::the12yearold::
4StyloAw...=) That was so sweet! I especially like the way that "she" keeps trying to convince herself that a lady of her stature should not even glance at a couple of theirs. "I am a lady of class. I care not for people who order dishes as measly as chicken."I loved that line. It's so bitterly funny. I laughed out loud when I read it. =)Anyhow, keep up the cool writing::the12yearold::
8/10/2005 c1 19Jules Kelly
Great one-shot! You are very good at choosing words. Nothing ever sounded repetitive and boring. And you ended on a positive note instead of the negative. Nice choice!
19Jules KellyGreat one-shot! You are very good at choosing words. Nothing ever sounded repetitive and boring. And you ended on a positive note instead of the negative. Nice choice!
8/9/2005 c1 14TheQuietWriter
Money isn't everything. Very sweet. I love the flow of your story and your word choice.
14TheQuietWriterMoney isn't everything. Very sweet. I love the flow of your story and your word choice.
6/21/2005 c1 1DreamingDarlin
I like thoughtful stories and I very much like the introspectiveness of this piece. I especially like the way this rich classy lady finds that there is more to life and giving can make it much more rewarding. Only a few minor mistakes but very nice.
1DreamingDarlinI like thoughtful stories and I very much like the introspectiveness of this piece. I especially like the way this rich classy lady finds that there is more to life and giving can make it much more rewarding. Only a few minor mistakes but very nice.
6/19/2005 c1 126swift sky silver
you have a way with words. i really enjoyed reading this. keep up the great work =0)
126swift sky silveryou have a way with words. i really enjoyed reading this. keep up the great work =0)
6/19/2005 c1 2Twistedangel558
I like this.. I really like it.. I'm not really one for one-shots but this is really good
2Twistedangel558I like this.. I really like it.. I'm not really one for one-shots but this is really good