for Redemption8/17/2005 c1 
7MichelleMagly
Very good use of metaphors. It follows freeverse which can be disasterous but You've made it work. That's a hard thing to do
7MichelleMaglyVery good use of metaphors. It follows freeverse which can be disasterous but You've made it work. That's a hard thing to do
7/13/2005 c1 8Falconer Aysel
I like the imagery you used, "sky high" and so forth. I also really liked the two lines that start with "Doomed to darkness and fear..." Critique: I think this could be a lot better if it was longer, and you put a lot more in about the feel of flying. That way, when the brokeness comes, you really feel like they have lost something dear to them, yet they are still trying. Just an idea, a friendly critique. Ta ta, Lion!Aysel(And thank you for reviewing mine)
8Falconer AyselI like the imagery you used, "sky high" and so forth. I also really liked the two lines that start with "Doomed to darkness and fear..." Critique: I think this could be a lot better if it was longer, and you put a lot more in about the feel of flying. That way, when the brokeness comes, you really feel like they have lost something dear to them, yet they are still trying. Just an idea, a friendly critique. Ta ta, Lion!Aysel(And thank you for reviewing mine)
6/28/2005 c1 59Unholy Haven
I really got into this when I was reading, so I'm glad it ended on an optimistic note.
59Unholy HavenI really got into this when I was reading, so I'm glad it ended on an optimistic note.
6/20/2005 c1 10Cemetary Gates
This poem is rather abstract... it seems disconnected, and I'm not exactly sure what parts fit together with what.
Before writing, make sure you have a definite focus. That helps with me... I sometimes write and then realize that its too abstract and doesn't go everywhere. Then I realize that I never had a definite focus so I would have a direction.
Otherwise, keep writing! Practice doesn't make perfect, but it makes writers a whole heck of a lot better. And read.
10Cemetary GatesThis poem is rather abstract... it seems disconnected, and I'm not exactly sure what parts fit together with what.
Before writing, make sure you have a definite focus. That helps with me... I sometimes write and then realize that its too abstract and doesn't go everywhere. Then I realize that I never had a definite focus so I would have a direction.
Otherwise, keep writing! Practice doesn't make perfect, but it makes writers a whole heck of a lot better. And read.
6/20/2005 c1 83silverquill212
I'm guessing this is one big metaphor for something you've experienced. If not, it's still a great, hopeful poem.
83silverquill212I'm guessing this is one big metaphor for something you've experienced. If not, it's still a great, hopeful poem.