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12/20/2007 c6 9InSilverShadows
i like this a lot.

but the way you transition in this particular chapter is a little bit interruting to the story being told. I'd do it with just their names. Troy. Chase. Troy. Chase, instead of all those 'points of view' slapped on the back. it pulls you out of the fictional place that the story is, and back to the fact that you're only reading it on a computer screen. :)
5/25/2007 c6 1hopefulwriter1
keep writing please :D

it's cool, i've never read anything like this
5/25/2007 c5 hopefulwriter1
i'm still reading it.. keep writing
5/24/2007 c3 hopefulwriter1
i havent read much yet but it seems kind of random and very detailed. just the way i like it :D

sorry, um you were reading one of my stories and i ahvent really updated in a year but today i posted two chapters, one short and one normal length.. so if you cared, it's called Fixing Future Mistakes and you know my login name
12/3/2006 c5 larathiel
Hm regarding the reply to my previous three reviews... i actually don't really think that your readers would know who'c pov it is if you got rid of the little subtittles. except for the few whereby you state something like "Chase did this," or "Merlion did that" but in those parts where no names are mentoined it might be a little hard and confusing. perhaps you could try to change the entire format of this chapter. i know it's sounds a little harsh, but i honestly think that if you redid it, using perhaps only the occasional thought in italics like they do in books, it would be a lot nicer to read. alternatively you could make the whole chapter Chase's pov first and add on another for troy's. further you still haven't answere my question (: do you really know where the merlion originated from? and also if you could spare the time, try reading my story... and tell me what you think of it! untill next time then and keep writing!
11/30/2006 c6 larathiel
i'm sorry but never ever SAY who's point of view it is. it's like a terribly rude interuptiong to a wonderful movie. (or making out sension) it's horrid. you should write it in a way so that your reader can deduce who's thoughts they are. otherwise please do not use this style of writing.
11/30/2006 c4 larathiel
merlion. wow. i just saw that the larger than life version of that tonight. i hope you know that your are referring to singapore's mascot, the part lion part fish.
11/30/2006 c2 larathiel
At first i couldn't really be bothered to review. But the way you wrote it, with it's shortness (if that even is a word) and quick to the point manner really caught on me. not many can pull this off, but your did it exceptionally well. keep it up (: i'm reading on.
11/22/2006 c2 52ellinikolouloudi
good story so far. But there's just one thing, I don't know if it was intentional or not, but you have the thing about the Trojans backwards. The Greeks made the horse with soldiers inside and gave it to the city of Troy, then at night, the soldiers sneaked out and opened the city gates so that the rest of the Greek army could come in and conquer the city. But other than that, awesome story!

~Elli
8/4/2006 c3 Princess JoJo
hm m m m m m m m m m... whos ur editior? theyre horrible! *snickers* you should get the one that helped you on ur other story, (which by the way for all you other ppl reading this I, AUBREY THE MAGNIFICENT, edited!) so nice to talk to you again bree! call me! *i bet you love me right now* and no im not a toad
8/4/2006 c4 Princess JoJo
sorry i didnt have time to read this. hehe im busy. DONT BE MAD! im about to eat cheesecake that im not supposed to kno about, im excited! anywho howcome the only way i can talk to you is thru fp? huh? huh? huh? be that way! and yes i know i am a toad for reviewing like this but i dont care, and i kno if i had a story that youd review it in the same way... hey isnt it cool that were both reading Charlotte? i like it so far. hey im leaving for efy tomorrow so ill ttyl k? luff ya!

aubrey jo ;-P
7/26/2006 c4 New Beginnings
Hi there!

First of all, I wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reviews of my story, they totally made my day. And yes, I love the cute, in-shape SYTYCD guys too (especially Dmitry. Damn you, Ameriker, for voting him off! heh).

Anyways, this story is great, I love your writing style. Can't wait for the next chapter!
7/13/2006 c4 3n-who-says
Wow. Your reiews were great! I think about my dream house too when I start writing about their house...cue wishful thinking. I would so get a ginormous library too! I'm crazy for books. I've been trying to put a chapter but then some things are missing when I post it up. Like "can't" ends up as "can'" and things are missing here and there even if I go over everything! Hopefull the evil evil problem will go away soon.

Hope to hear from you then...
6/16/2006 c1 kelyn
ah sad beginning. unfortunately i have no time to read the rest as i have to drive downtown to fill out paperwork for a new job i got. yeah, fourteen hour days are gonna be awesome! ah not so much. so biker fox. haha, i use to live in houston texas but then we moved to oklahoma. yeah, boring. but biker fox is this guy who rides around the city on his bicycle and he's totally screwed in the head. he actually has a website too, bikerfox.com (WARNING: THIS WEBSITE DOES SHOW BIKER FOX IN SPANDEX). but yeah so he rides around town and he does these crazy tricks and flips, like one day i saw him in the middle of an extremely busy intersection doing wheelies. it was hilarious, anyways one day I was in starbucks and he came inside and made a big production about a bunch of stuff, i forget the details, and the last thing he did was pump his hands in the air and say "Sorry, didn't mean to offend!" it was quite hilarious. so that is the inside joke about biker fox. drunk guys are always more adorable because of the fact that their drunk. like that stuff would never be tolerated if he wasn't drunk. its the fact that they can blame his cuddly stature on the alcohol that makes it all the more tempting, because you can claim that you were under the influence, meaning you don't have to take responsibility for your actions. i've thought this over for a long time. their suppose to be seventeen. and trust me their parents do not condone this behavior and pretty soon the "shitith will hitith the fan-ith." 10 things i hate about you. gotta love that movie. its a permanent inside joke for my best friend and I. so thats about it...\~K
4/13/2006 c3 4Kaykuyo Locke
I'm out of time, but i'll read more later.
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