for Adalardo4/18/2006 c24 
11Raving Blackbird
Oh no... not that! Not Calista. *hides and bottom lip trembles* You mean horrid thing! I know what you're planning... but in case anyone else reads this, I'm not gonna say. Keep writing!
11Raving BlackbirdOh no... not that! Not Calista. *hides and bottom lip trembles* You mean horrid thing! I know what you're planning... but in case anyone else reads this, I'm not gonna say. Keep writing!
1/2/2006 c21 Raving Blackbird
Aww... Nu! Not Henrick! How can you just LEAVE the story there like that? You cruel, sadistic writer! And this is how you start your new year, is it? Torturing your creations? Lol. Very... um... suspenseful. Keep writing, because Henrick will die if you don't!
Aww... Nu! Not Henrick! How can you just LEAVE the story there like that? You cruel, sadistic writer! And this is how you start your new year, is it? Torturing your creations? Lol. Very... um... suspenseful. Keep writing, because Henrick will die if you don't!
12/2/2005 c20 Raving Blackbird
Congratulations, Piglet! Chapter 20! I'm proud of you! And you're getting better and better! You can by your writing that you love doing it. Keep it up!
Congratulations, Piglet! Chapter 20! I'm proud of you! And you're getting better and better! You can by your writing that you love doing it. Keep it up!
11/28/2005 c19 Erika
This is an awesome story! No complaints at all.
This is an awesome story! No complaints at all.
9/7/2005 c1 Kynria
OUCH!
your first paragraph is very disorganized or, perhaps, more like random. You are missing a lot of commas and you shouldn't always start a sentence with 'He was' or 'I'
You should also have more of a variety in word choice. All of your words are very similar, which makes it tiring to read and redundant.
Definately watch out for grammar and tenses.
You should avoid pausing the whole story to describe the way someone looks. It helps with the flow of your story if you incorporate it within.
Your sentences are very bland and blunt. When writing a story you are trying to show the reader what you see, yet you leave out a lot of emotion and description.
These are a few things i caught while reading your story. You may choose to ignore it, although you would only be discarding improvment.
OUCH!
your first paragraph is very disorganized or, perhaps, more like random. You are missing a lot of commas and you shouldn't always start a sentence with 'He was' or 'I'
You should also have more of a variety in word choice. All of your words are very similar, which makes it tiring to read and redundant.
Definately watch out for grammar and tenses.
You should avoid pausing the whole story to describe the way someone looks. It helps with the flow of your story if you incorporate it within.
Your sentences are very bland and blunt. When writing a story you are trying to show the reader what you see, yet you leave out a lot of emotion and description.
These are a few things i caught while reading your story. You may choose to ignore it, although you would only be discarding improvment.
8/19/2005 c12 Raving Blackbird
Wow... I liked this one. I like how you ended it. Very nicely written. There must be more!
Wow... I liked this one. I like how you ended it. Very nicely written. There must be more!
8/7/2005 c11 Raving Blackbird
XD. You're characters are all wonderful. And Adalardo and Calista are so sweet... I'll wait on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.
XD. You're characters are all wonderful. And Adalardo and Calista are so sweet... I'll wait on the edge of my seat for the next chapter.
7/10/2005 c6 Raving Blackbird
Aww... Poor Adalardo. *cries* Piglet, you are so mean to your charries that it's just not fair! lol.
Aww... Poor Adalardo. *cries* Piglet, you are so mean to your charries that it's just not fair! lol.
7/4/2005 c3 Raving Blackbird
You write so well. I love this one! You have to keep writing it. It's so good already! Adalardo is so real. I feel so bad for him. :-(
You write so well. I love this one! You have to keep writing it. It's so good already! Adalardo is so real. I feel so bad for him. :-(