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for As the Church Bells Toll

2/5/2007 c1 4forgottenlife
i loved this
10/3/2006 c1 70Aryanda
I think the shift from the first three lines (kinda long) to the rest of them (kinda short) could've been better and more subtle. But besides that, it was great! I loved the imagery and the thought behind it. Keep it up!
8/6/2005 c1 justasquirrel
wow, this is a great poem. an interesting concept: to give the picture of a hopeless world while keeping a subtle reminder of a dim light-a church bell summoning those who need it most. interesting.

7/21/2005 c1 10Moon-Child76
WOW PANDA WOW! This is incredible. It's dark and depressing and somewhat eary. I know it's not like you but you need to get some sappy happy lovey dovey poems on here so I can go "aw"

7/8/2005 c1 81daphnegray78
Wow. This is awesome. I like this a lot.

6/24/2005 c1 Brandy Bear
Nice poem its cool how you mix the drepressing bad things will the chruch whis is supposed to be holy. really nice job

6/24/2005 c1 10Rebecca Kelsey
beautiful. I think its one of your best.
6/23/2005 c1 612simpleplan13
awesome contrasts... the church bells & the depression other images... nice job
6/23/2005 c1 23WickedSilence
I find your poem intriguing. You dealt wonderfully with the subject, and I think this is a poem which evokes much thought. Keep up the good work.
6/23/2005 c1 10Cemetary Gates
I like this poem. Its interesting... Reminds me of "The Raven" or whatever the title is by E. A. Poe.

The flow is dirupted after the fourth line when it shifts to the repetition of "As the church bells toll."

And... it would read better if that line were repeated every four lines instead of two as to not make it sound repetitive.

BUT... since the flow is meant to go to the tolling of the bells, my suggestion is to make the first "As the church bells toll" be "The church bells toll". Kinda like, an introduction to the rest of the poem - that being the bells are continually tolling after the first toll.

But that's just my opinion... experiment, experiment more, and revise to find your own voice.

Good job on this, and keep writing!
6/23/2005 c1 98sempre-e-por-sempre
i like the imagery...and i love the repitition of "as the church bells toll"...i think it's great! keep writing!
6/23/2005 c1 21Choke on this
i'm actually at a loss for words but... great poem!

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