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for Rebel the Dynasty

11/25/2005 c1 4jammi
haha, cute. I have to go but I'll read the rest of this later, oh and I don'tknow if someone mentioned this already but '“That’s my going to be husband, everybody!”

I think you meant 'That's going to be my husband, everybody!'
6/29/2005 c3 19Phoenix-ofthe-Goldenrose
hehe. interesting. Yeah, this story is definitely more serious than A Little Too Late. Well...the writing style is what I mean. great story, update soon!
6/29/2005 c1 Phoenix-ofthe-Goldenrose
Hehe. turnips. Just as funny as your other story. What are those names at the end of the chapter though? Oh nevermind i should shut up and read on...yes.
6/25/2005 c3 23Sylvia Ann Elliot
Crunchy porridge! I love it! I absolutely love Garnneth's Soup of Horrors. Garnneth is so manly, letting a girl cry on his shoulder. *laughs* It's good that you made Silina cry. She needed more personality. The variety in your "break"s is amusing. Garnneth's turnip fetish is nice, it reminds the reader of something that happened back in chapter one. *racks her brain for constructive criticism, but can't find any* All in all, another beautiful chapter, and I hope you update soon!
6/25/2005 c2 Sylvia Ann Elliot
I loved the "Breathe in...breathe out," as all the chaos ensues. It really shows an aspect of Garnneth's personality. And when he makes his decision to go on the quest and then falls immediately asleep, that also helps the reader get a handle on Garnneth. Little techniques like that throughout this story differentiate between each of the characters and makes them unique.

Damien, I think, is my favorite. I have a soft spot for attractive, enslaved young men. His ongoing quarrel with Lily and the way he picks on Eva only makes him more personable and likeable.
6/24/2005 c1 Sylvia Ann Elliot
When you describe Garnneth, you say, "His hanging jagged over his eyes." Did you mean his -hair- hanging jagged over his eyes? I love the humor about Garnneth setting off to conquer some turnips.

What does this line mean? "People were cautiously returning as the other girl made /she/ invisible again." I don't understand it. Did you mean /herself/?

I love the addition of the elven language. It really makes the story flow much better and brings it to life. I also love your descriptions of the characters. They conjure up beautiful images in the reader's mind.

I didn't understand what the words were at the end- translations of the elven, maybe?

This is an awesome, intelligent, humorous piece, and I strongly advise you to update it soon. Or else.

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