12/14/2005 c1 18Plinky
Interesting piece of writing. It's lovely the way you create a whole world in so few words.

I LOVE the brackety bits. Lovely technique.

Akki and Umi feel a little unquirky, if you know what I mean. Their characters feel a little generalised.

I'd like to know more about their appearances (Just a little) and about their relationship.

The explanation felt a little abrupt - maybe a little more of her thoughts or Akki's thoughts before she launches into the explanation. THe explanation also felt a little like someone informing someone else... I don't know how to explain it. I'll try.

If she was telling Akki this, and it was about her parents, I get the feeling that she might talk about it a little differently. Make it a little more personal.

I like the way you intersperse (Is that spelt right?) the information with Akki's thoughts. that's really good.

Lovely piece of writing all together - it's very difficult to write something like that so shortly and convey the information as clearly as you did! go you! XD