for Pittance3/15/2006 c1 hoowdoideletethisaccount
-I might accept but I couldn’t give hugs / So I guess you might not know-
Mm. This was very meaningful, because it was heartfelt. You did a really nice job with this. It's nice to see someone honouring their loved ones in their writing, rather than tearing them to shreds (can you tell I'm sick of reading angst?)
-I might accept but I couldn’t give hugs / So I guess you might not know-
Mm. This was very meaningful, because it was heartfelt. You did a really nice job with this. It's nice to see someone honouring their loved ones in their writing, rather than tearing them to shreds (can you tell I'm sick of reading angst?)
3/7/2006 c1 
21Lady Lucia
Wow, this is really nice. I could hear a sad melody playing along with it...
Okay, so I cried. This song was beautiful and as a senior in high school, it brought me memories and brouhg me visions from my life's events. I really can't express how moved I was by this song, all I can say is thank you for writing such an amazing melody.
21Lady LuciaWow, this is really nice. I could hear a sad melody playing along with it...
Okay, so I cried. This song was beautiful and as a senior in high school, it brought me memories and brouhg me visions from my life's events. I really can't express how moved I was by this song, all I can say is thank you for writing such an amazing melody.
1/11/2006 c1 4Nienna Calmcacil
aww how pretty! man whenever i rty to write songs, i cant, and then i see other people write them (like you!) and i get really jealous...it seems everyone has a talent for writing songs and poetry except for me! I think this song is amazing! maybe you could submit it to someone and they could sing it or something...or not. The choice is yours.
4Nienna Calmcacilaww how pretty! man whenever i rty to write songs, i cant, and then i see other people write them (like you!) and i get really jealous...it seems everyone has a talent for writing songs and poetry except for me! I think this song is amazing! maybe you could submit it to someone and they could sing it or something...or not. The choice is yours.
12/10/2005 c1 3Black Hellebore
I can feel the flow on the song in this, even though all the parts don't necessarily rhyme. It's also a deep song, not a just a superficial romance poem (gawd! there are too many of them! gawd! no objections to a good one, but some people... stopping here) or a cheap lie about reflections on life. It's... how can I say this?... very true. Not just about life, but about relationships with friends, people, lovers, whomever. A nice poem, through and through.
3Black HelleboreI can feel the flow on the song in this, even though all the parts don't necessarily rhyme. It's also a deep song, not a just a superficial romance poem (gawd! there are too many of them! gawd! no objections to a good one, but some people... stopping here) or a cheap lie about reflections on life. It's... how can I say this?... very true. Not just about life, but about relationships with friends, people, lovers, whomever. A nice poem, through and through.
11/7/2005 c1 BlackPheonix08
Boy, have I been there before. You make a good point of how we sometimes find it hard to put into words the way we feel about someone until we can't say it to their face. Very good!
(P.S. Where DO you live (sorry for all caps, I'm not yelling, I just cant italicize)? Your profile ended in Ireland, but you said something about finding the truth in that, so now I'm not so sure.)
(P.S.S. Somehow, I'm not surprised that Indiana politicians aren't very good at math. I'm from Indiana, and from what I see, there's more corn and cows here than anything else. Math isn't much use to people who refer to things mainly as 'Down the road' or 'Up the creek'. Not that all Hoosiers are rednecks, and not that I'm against rednecks - they're great folks - but that's kinda the way it is here in the middle of nowhere.)
~Angel's Broken Heart
Boy, have I been there before. You make a good point of how we sometimes find it hard to put into words the way we feel about someone until we can't say it to their face. Very good!
(P.S. Where DO you live (sorry for all caps, I'm not yelling, I just cant italicize)? Your profile ended in Ireland, but you said something about finding the truth in that, so now I'm not so sure.)
(P.S.S. Somehow, I'm not surprised that Indiana politicians aren't very good at math. I'm from Indiana, and from what I see, there's more corn and cows here than anything else. Math isn't much use to people who refer to things mainly as 'Down the road' or 'Up the creek'. Not that all Hoosiers are rednecks, and not that I'm against rednecks - they're great folks - but that's kinda the way it is here in the middle of nowhere.)
~Angel's Broken Heart
7/26/2005 c1 2E1pnvn
I think what really tugs at people's heartstrings in this poem is that practically everyone can relate to it in some way or another. I'm sure this poem will bring back bittersweet memories to everyone who reads it.
As for criticism... hmm... hold on a second as I consult "The Idiot's Guide to Nit-Picking".
Well, I guess in the sixth stanza, the third line ("I might accept...") seemed a little long compared to the others. It was a little bit scrunched, or that was how I read it, anyway. But, other than that, I couldn't really find anything wrong. Great work! ... Again!
~E1pnvn
2E1pnvnI think what really tugs at people's heartstrings in this poem is that practically everyone can relate to it in some way or another. I'm sure this poem will bring back bittersweet memories to everyone who reads it.
As for criticism... hmm... hold on a second as I consult "The Idiot's Guide to Nit-Picking".
Well, I guess in the sixth stanza, the third line ("I might accept...") seemed a little long compared to the others. It was a little bit scrunched, or that was how I read it, anyway. But, other than that, I couldn't really find anything wrong. Great work! ... Again!
~E1pnvn
7/16/2005 c1 Eyeken
I haven't cried in over ten years, but reading this poem ALMOST put a tear to my eye. It reminds me of this close girl...she'll always be in my memory...surpassing death..for our friendship is strong enough..WOW Anyways It was great. I loved it.~
I haven't cried in over ten years, but reading this poem ALMOST put a tear to my eye. It reminds me of this close girl...she'll always be in my memory...surpassing death..for our friendship is strong enough..WOW Anyways It was great. I loved it.~
7/9/2005 c1 16N. Steven
Um...is there a reason why this isn't being sold to Alanis Morisette or someone to make a GREAT song out of? Okay, maybe that wasn't the best way to say it, but let me redeem myself: This was great. Really really really good. I was a little confused with the repitition of certain stanzas/verses, but it's all gravy. Keep 'em coming!
16N. StevenUm...is there a reason why this isn't being sold to Alanis Morisette or someone to make a GREAT song out of? Okay, maybe that wasn't the best way to say it, but let me redeem myself: This was great. Really really really good. I was a little confused with the repitition of certain stanzas/verses, but it's all gravy. Keep 'em coming!
7/5/2005 c1 3Lady Isaiah
Lovely...I loved it a lot. It reminded me of what has happened in my life...concerning the people I know. This is so awesome.
3Lady IsaiahLovely...I loved it a lot. It reminded me of what has happened in my life...concerning the people I know. This is so awesome.
6/28/2005 c1 34poet tree
Aw...that's sad. I don't really know why it is, but it reminded me of myself and my friends VERY strongly. I like it.
34poet treeAw...that's sad. I don't really know why it is, but it reminded me of myself and my friends VERY strongly. I like it.
6/26/2005 c1 52AboveTheSalt
Hi there. I must say that your standpoint on reviews/constructive criticism is quite wonderful. I really admire a person who embraces advice & change. That said, I would also read your other stories but fiction in general does not meet my (oh-so-lacking) attention span. Sidenotes out of the way, a review for your piece...
Stanza three, line one: "quick" to "quirk" Stanza five does not sound right to me. The lines increase in length (though do have a rhyme) and then completely shorten with the last line. The transition seemed awkward and unprecedented. I got the same feeling with the following stanza's last line. I really like the chorus (if this was a song, as you said). There's a lot of truth in that. I like the last revision a lot, too. Good title. The simile in the fifth stanza pleased me, too. The overall poem gives the impression of loss, regret, (for not being able to say what the narrator would like to) and acceptance of the way the world works. I liked it. And pardon the long review; your profile encouraged me to leave one, so I did. Cheers!
-salt.
52AboveTheSaltHi there. I must say that your standpoint on reviews/constructive criticism is quite wonderful. I really admire a person who embraces advice & change. That said, I would also read your other stories but fiction in general does not meet my (oh-so-lacking) attention span. Sidenotes out of the way, a review for your piece...
Stanza three, line one: "quick" to "quirk" Stanza five does not sound right to me. The lines increase in length (though do have a rhyme) and then completely shorten with the last line. The transition seemed awkward and unprecedented. I got the same feeling with the following stanza's last line. I really like the chorus (if this was a song, as you said). There's a lot of truth in that. I like the last revision a lot, too. Good title. The simile in the fifth stanza pleased me, too. The overall poem gives the impression of loss, regret, (for not being able to say what the narrator would like to) and acceptance of the way the world works. I liked it. And pardon the long review; your profile encouraged me to leave one, so I did. Cheers!
-salt.
6/26/2005 c1 18Aithwayth
Very well written and filled with a lot of emotion. The only Constructive Critism I can give is that... and this is only my opinion as somewhat of a 'retired' poetry writer (as in I don't find the will to do it anymore)... the stanza's are great, but you might want to group together two groups instead of one before implimenting your main thought of the "Faces come and faces go" group. It is very well written, but in any poem when there is the same thing written over and over so many times, the reader finds themselves skipping over the section to read the rest of what is said. (I hope this makes sense) Other than that I think it is beautiful and is still beautiful even if it is left the way it is. Like I said, this may just be me and is my own opinion.
18AithwaythVery well written and filled with a lot of emotion. The only Constructive Critism I can give is that... and this is only my opinion as somewhat of a 'retired' poetry writer (as in I don't find the will to do it anymore)... the stanza's are great, but you might want to group together two groups instead of one before implimenting your main thought of the "Faces come and faces go" group. It is very well written, but in any poem when there is the same thing written over and over so many times, the reader finds themselves skipping over the section to read the rest of what is said. (I hope this makes sense) Other than that I think it is beautiful and is still beautiful even if it is left the way it is. Like I said, this may just be me and is my own opinion.
6/25/2005 c1 3Ballerina with a Gun
This was very pretty. I could feel the emotion, the regret in this. Sad, and very sweet. Beautiful rhyme flow.
3Ballerina with a GunThis was very pretty. I could feel the emotion, the regret in this. Sad, and very sweet. Beautiful rhyme flow.