for Morning never comes1/11/2006 c1 
8SwordoftheKing
Velly good, velly good indeed! *claps*
Just a few things to point out here-
"“Mom”… “I’m scared mom. Where are you? I need some reassurance.” Cried the little boy." The word 'reassurance' really just doesn't work here. As a matter of normal speech, most people just wouldn't use it that way. ESPECIALLY not 'little' people.
"The light’s had now flicked on the landing. They vanished." 'light's' should be 'lights'- apostrophe 's's make something possesive where here you want plural, so take out the apostrophe. Also, you're missing a word between 'on' and 'the'.
"Morning didn’t come, for both of them." Just as a matter of grammatical accuracy, 'both' should be 'either'.
Other than that stuff it was very good! Keep up the good work!
8SwordoftheKingVelly good, velly good indeed! *claps*
Just a few things to point out here-
"“Mom”… “I’m scared mom. Where are you? I need some reassurance.” Cried the little boy." The word 'reassurance' really just doesn't work here. As a matter of normal speech, most people just wouldn't use it that way. ESPECIALLY not 'little' people.
"The light’s had now flicked on the landing. They vanished." 'light's' should be 'lights'- apostrophe 's's make something possesive where here you want plural, so take out the apostrophe. Also, you're missing a word between 'on' and 'the'.
"Morning didn’t come, for both of them." Just as a matter of grammatical accuracy, 'both' should be 'either'.
Other than that stuff it was very good! Keep up the good work!
6/28/2005 c1 126swift sky silver
aw man, i'm going to bed soon... how am i gonna sleep? well, it's my bad i guess. yes, i enjoyed it. keep up the 'horrific' work. =0)
ps. could you please read 'tragic traitor tactics'? i'd appreciate your feedback.
126swift sky silveraw man, i'm going to bed soon... how am i gonna sleep? well, it's my bad i guess. yes, i enjoyed it. keep up the 'horrific' work. =0)
ps. could you please read 'tragic traitor tactics'? i'd appreciate your feedback.