for Rebellion From the Fire6/25/2007 c5 Rich
I honestly do like this story, and I belive with a little work could be an awesome story. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I like the concept, and belive it just needs a lil fixing up. Also, I would like if you did finish the final part of this chapter. I can't give you any ideas of what to add or anything, at least not yet, not til i finish, but I would be happy to later.
I honestly do like this story, and I belive with a little work could be an awesome story. I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I like the concept, and belive it just needs a lil fixing up. Also, I would like if you did finish the final part of this chapter. I can't give you any ideas of what to add or anything, at least not yet, not til i finish, but I would be happy to later.
9/25/2006 c9 
7firesword
NO!
AND YOU WON'T WRITE MORE? I'M MAD NOW BUDDY.
pretty good i guess. I just want you to finish. For me For a fan.
7fireswordNO!
AND YOU WON'T WRITE MORE? I'M MAD NOW BUDDY.
pretty good i guess. I just want you to finish. For me For a fan.
8/18/2006 c4 Halcyon Impulsion
This is a good chapter. I like the explanation (the lack of vomit just thrills me LOL), and Damien's character is appealing and interesting.
This is a good chapter. I like the explanation (the lack of vomit just thrills me LOL), and Damien's character is appealing and interesting.
8/18/2006 c2 Halcyon Impulsion
The paragraph about the two kinds of darkness is really intriguing. I can understand why you feel this piece is rough and I agree with your assessment, but it has some good bones, even in just a couple chapters, and I think it's worth working on. Personally, I think swearing is overrated and it takes away a lot of a story's strength and creativity (though I recognize it's a preference thing). Generally when I come across a story with a lot of bad language it takes a lot for me to be willing to wade through the language and keep up with the story. Just a little reader perspective :) I like the Vicki/Victoria argument and the brief description of her is poignant - I'd like to see it explored (which maybe you do later).
The paragraph about the two kinds of darkness is really intriguing. I can understand why you feel this piece is rough and I agree with your assessment, but it has some good bones, even in just a couple chapters, and I think it's worth working on. Personally, I think swearing is overrated and it takes away a lot of a story's strength and creativity (though I recognize it's a preference thing). Generally when I come across a story with a lot of bad language it takes a lot for me to be willing to wade through the language and keep up with the story. Just a little reader perspective :) I like the Vicki/Victoria argument and the brief description of her is poignant - I'd like to see it explored (which maybe you do later).
8/18/2006 c1 Halcyon Impulsion
Interesting dream sequence... I know I wrote and asked for suggestions, but I decided to start here :) What can I say - I'm impatient :) Poor Vicki, demented and tear-strewn and sleeping through two hours of a test!
Interesting dream sequence... I know I wrote and asked for suggestions, but I decided to start here :) What can I say - I'm impatient :) Poor Vicki, demented and tear-strewn and sleeping through two hours of a test!
4/28/2006 c9 A Beautiful Nightmare
Hey. Awesome story... but I think it would be better if you proofread it a little more... then it would be excellent... haha... can't wait for the next installment... so... what's vicki going to do now?
Hey. Awesome story... but I think it would be better if you proofread it a little more... then it would be excellent... haha... can't wait for the next installment... so... what's vicki going to do now?
1/9/2006 c8 3miss-blackhair
huh? what happened to the format? oh well, it's still readable. lol
i really like how you potray some stuff and use the english language with your own unique twist. its a nice read. =)
3miss-blackhairhuh? what happened to the format? oh well, it's still readable. lol
i really like how you potray some stuff and use the english language with your own unique twist. its a nice read. =)
10/4/2005 c7 2Viera Wing
That was good. I like it. Keep it up. Though, you might want to hit the spacebar harder, or look back to see if you've missed. Anyway, good story.
2Viera WingThat was good. I like it. Keep it up. Though, you might want to hit the spacebar harder, or look back to see if you've missed. Anyway, good story.
7/31/2005 c1 18Smili
hey. umm... it was... wow... i wish i could be a good riter lik u! ah, well, u better comment on my stuff when i start posting. btw, you might not want to use real names... its not safe. but other wise, its really good!
18Smilihey. umm... it was... wow... i wish i could be a good riter lik u! ah, well, u better comment on my stuff when i start posting. btw, you might not want to use real names... its not safe. but other wise, its really good!
7/9/2005 c3 52darkmiko
i like your story especially the poem in this last chapter, keep up the good work
52darkmikoi like your story especially the poem in this last chapter, keep up the good work
7/8/2005 c3 3miss-blackhair
i like the supernatural part, but i think the paragraphs are pretty long, a lil difficult to read. but i liked the plot. is there gonna be any romance?
3miss-blackhairi like the supernatural part, but i think the paragraphs are pretty long, a lil difficult to read. but i liked the plot. is there gonna be any romance?