for Broken Rules9/21/2005 c2 Sally-andersonn
The end line of him 'breaking her down eventually' doen't seem to fit in with his character that you gave in chapter one. just seems little funny.
The end line of him 'breaking her down eventually' doen't seem to fit in with his character that you gave in chapter one. just seems little funny.
9/21/2005 c1 Sally-andersonn
The beginnings of love! I like the way you made the situation awkward and not smooth like peanut butter. ops. don't know where that came from.
The beginnings of love! I like the way you made the situation awkward and not smooth like peanut butter. ops. don't know where that came from.
7/19/2005 c2 birleywhirligig
Great story, I love it how Jay seems so carefree, with a bit of a dark side to her. Well, update soon!
Birley
Great story, I love it how Jay seems so carefree, with a bit of a dark side to her. Well, update soon!
Birley
7/8/2005 c2 allyburner
Hurrah! You posted it! Yipee! Right... ahem, I'm calm now. It's BRILLIANT! I LOVE IT! :D I really can't see anything that I'd change. IT'S GREAT! It's all professional sounding and that. :D Really cool. ;P -Ally B.
Hurrah! You posted it! Yipee! Right... ahem, I'm calm now. It's BRILLIANT! I LOVE IT! :D I really can't see anything that I'd change. IT'S GREAT! It's all professional sounding and that. :D Really cool. ;P -Ally B.
7/8/2005 c1 allyburner
Cool... look, it's great! And there you were, saying you weren't good at writing! Ah... just an idea, most people wouldn't give their name to some stranger just like that. And that's about the only thing... Oh yeah, "soft and golden and messy": maybe a comma between soft and golden? Maybe put a bit more into describing movement, cos like, somehow X just appears in front of J. 'part from that, there's nothing more I can add.
Cool... look, it's great! And there you were, saying you weren't good at writing! Ah... just an idea, most people wouldn't give their name to some stranger just like that. And that's about the only thing... Oh yeah, "soft and golden and messy": maybe a comma between soft and golden? Maybe put a bit more into describing movement, cos like, somehow X just appears in front of J. 'part from that, there's nothing more I can add.
7/7/2005 c1 
4g.n
Liked it. Where's chapter two? You kept me hanging! Now I have to wait and see what happens next.
4g.nLiked it. Where's chapter two? You kept me hanging! Now I have to wait and see what happens next.
7/7/2005 c1 14redroplets
if you accept anonymous reviewers you may get more reviews, I thought this piece was extremely well done, the summary is what got me hooked... "lifes golden rule" well done.~redroplets
14redropletsif you accept anonymous reviewers you may get more reviews, I thought this piece was extremely well done, the summary is what got me hooked... "lifes golden rule" well done.~redroplets