for Highland Twins2/2/2006 c12 
5ShadowYellowEyes
Yay! That is an ironic ending, and one of those that I appreciate, and this one I like. Though I am still confused exactly what the plan was, I think I get the gist of it: the son that has a son first gets to rule, but since they had sons at the same time, it was decided that both would rule. Am I close? I hope your grandmother (or was it greatgrandmother?) enjoys this story a lot. I think she'll be pleased at the work you did for her. ^_^
Until later. ~Shadow
5ShadowYellowEyesYay! That is an ironic ending, and one of those that I appreciate, and this one I like. Though I am still confused exactly what the plan was, I think I get the gist of it: the son that has a son first gets to rule, but since they had sons at the same time, it was decided that both would rule. Am I close? I hope your grandmother (or was it greatgrandmother?) enjoys this story a lot. I think she'll be pleased at the work you did for her. ^_^
Until later. ~Shadow
1/21/2006 c11 ShadowYellowEyes
Okay, everybody together: one, two, three, AW!
Now, onto what is important: learning. What happened to the other brother? There's hardly a mention of him, and it's expected, since the beginning, that he would have a large part, since the beginning trouble is who would be the heir, which is another puzzle piece that's missing. Where did the real trouble disappear to? There's been no mention of it.
Another thing that you could work on is fleshing it out. Okay, so the brothers have dark hair. (Blink blink). Anything else? One's bigger and one's bolder. I just think that right now, the story is going on in a small set. We have little images of what the world around the characters looks like. Film on location, and everyone will love you for it. Don't expect that the reader will know where to place them. What was it like in Scotland during the 1400's? How is Enya related to him again? You've got the skeleton of a potentially fantastic story, but you have to give it muscle and skin (muscle being more exposition, more just... description, fleshing it out, in other words, and the skin is the prose. The prose is okay, though. Just work on the muscle.) If that makes no sense, feel free to e-mail me, and I'll try to explain it better. I'd love to help you, since I can see that you have a great vision, but you need to learn how to share it correctly. Believe me, great ideas. Just keep practicing, and I hope you do not get offended at what I was saying. I just want to help.
And I love the accents. I want to go to Scotland so bad... Just to listen to people speak. Very good with the accents...
Best of luck in all that you write, and keep practicing. ~Shadow
Okay, everybody together: one, two, three, AW!
Now, onto what is important: learning. What happened to the other brother? There's hardly a mention of him, and it's expected, since the beginning, that he would have a large part, since the beginning trouble is who would be the heir, which is another puzzle piece that's missing. Where did the real trouble disappear to? There's been no mention of it.
Another thing that you could work on is fleshing it out. Okay, so the brothers have dark hair. (Blink blink). Anything else? One's bigger and one's bolder. I just think that right now, the story is going on in a small set. We have little images of what the world around the characters looks like. Film on location, and everyone will love you for it. Don't expect that the reader will know where to place them. What was it like in Scotland during the 1400's? How is Enya related to him again? You've got the skeleton of a potentially fantastic story, but you have to give it muscle and skin (muscle being more exposition, more just... description, fleshing it out, in other words, and the skin is the prose. The prose is okay, though. Just work on the muscle.) If that makes no sense, feel free to e-mail me, and I'll try to explain it better. I'd love to help you, since I can see that you have a great vision, but you need to learn how to share it correctly. Believe me, great ideas. Just keep practicing, and I hope you do not get offended at what I was saying. I just want to help.
And I love the accents. I want to go to Scotland so bad... Just to listen to people speak. Very good with the accents...
Best of luck in all that you write, and keep practicing. ~Shadow
1/21/2006 c5 ShadowYellowEyes
reigned in the form of ruling. reined as in the form of pulling on the reins to stop a beast (cow, ox, horse, etc).
And the plot thickens... Crazed sister... Always a good thing to make the story more interesting... (Sits back to read more...)
reigned in the form of ruling. reined as in the form of pulling on the reins to stop a beast (cow, ox, horse, etc).
And the plot thickens... Crazed sister... Always a good thing to make the story more interesting... (Sits back to read more...)
1/21/2006 c3 ShadowYellowEyes
Okay, ten years ago, he was not the man he was supposed to be, but then, when were the twins born? Please, they cannot be ten years old! If you skip years, could you please just stick a year change between the changes? So, you had the prologue, with a date, so please add date or something so that I am not so confused (as the boys could not possibly be ten years old) or is there something different? Were they both nearly adults in the prologue? If so, please mention that somehow, any way, just so that the reader is not confused.
Okay, ten years ago, he was not the man he was supposed to be, but then, when were the twins born? Please, they cannot be ten years old! If you skip years, could you please just stick a year change between the changes? So, you had the prologue, with a date, so please add date or something so that I am not so confused (as the boys could not possibly be ten years old) or is there something different? Were they both nearly adults in the prologue? If so, please mention that somehow, any way, just so that the reader is not confused.
1/20/2006 c11 kittykat91413
this is an interesting, if slightly slow story. you began with a lot of references to something big going on with the father, but they seem to have dissapeared. Also, some of the language is difficult to understand for those of us not familiar with it. Over all, this is an interesting story.
this is an interesting, if slightly slow story. you began with a lot of references to something big going on with the father, but they seem to have dissapeared. Also, some of the language is difficult to understand for those of us not familiar with it. Over all, this is an interesting story.
1/15/2006 c2 7Lightness
well, this sounds mighty interesting! it's so much fun. and i can't help but wonder where this will go. another thing that i felt i must commend you on is the dialogue. i'm not really very used to reading stories set in this time period, so i find it a bit hard to read. but the slang adds a very nice touch. you've really done a fine job with that.i wish you'd added more descriptions though.
7Lightnesswell, this sounds mighty interesting! it's so much fun. and i can't help but wonder where this will go. another thing that i felt i must commend you on is the dialogue. i'm not really very used to reading stories set in this time period, so i find it a bit hard to read. but the slang adds a very nice touch. you've really done a fine job with that.i wish you'd added more descriptions though.
7/7/2005 c1 7Amanda Genevieve
whats the solution? i wanna no! wha lol i like it its really good so far update asap plzplzplz lol
7Amanda Genevievewhats the solution? i wanna no! wha lol i like it its really good so far update asap plzplzplz lol