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9/21/2005 c1 10RevolutionaryJ
Not bad at all! You're good at capturing emotion- I know quite a few writers who couldn't capture as much emotion in stories twice as long as yours, and for you to do it in such a short story is impressive.
8/1/2005 c1 5envy me
this is... it has a lot of feeling.. and mystery... Is the speaker a boy or a girl? His girl/boyfriend I presume.. and did they kill him? is that why they had the handgun? You are very talented at capturing feelings and the moment.. It was one thought of the narrater and you made it go on for paragraphs and paragraphs..One snetence I think you should take out though or fix is: My life is Shit.. I dont think it flows with the story.. but this is really good.. you should try to get it published.. or make a whole story out of it or something.. Great Job.. aleX..PS.. I updated Boarding School.. and I have a short story called He Deserved but it doesnt even compare to your story.. lol
7/10/2005 c1 62Sunflower dream
wow, I really like this! i'm not too sure of what you meant it to convey if you htinjk it failed! to me it expresses the frustration after someone kills themsleves to perfection. truly well written. keep it up!
7/10/2005 c1 1JDWrites
Interesting story, I get it but it seems to me a longer version of it could fit in an English textbook and could be analyze by snot-nosed little kids...or could be read and discussed by some nice high schoolers...haha...funny. Anyways, I found it quite interesting how you go into how the perfect people aren't really so perfect if you take time to try to understand...if you look INTO them instead of ONTO them. Like breaking through that layer of protective skin they coat them selves with. Hmm...how interesting. You have an interesting bio too, I have no doubts you're a true male...you like tacos...pizza...*shudders* Well, I suppose I'm not any better, but I'm not the classic "girl" either. Hmm, you like to read...not many of my male friends like to read. Well, one, but I think he's a little fruity if you know what I mean. Well, anyways, if you're as boyish as I think, I believe you may like my story Angel of the Crimson Halo (all my other boys like it), and if you could review something (preferably a story), I would be eternally grateful, and review a bit more of your work. I love reviewing as you can probably tell...hehe...*^_^*

Much Love, Gaki Toki

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