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for Amor Del Frio Hielo : Ice Cold Love

12/9/2005 c1 13Manda Pantxike Sterling
It was kinda wierd that you used your penname as a character in the story. But, all in all, this looks rather interesting. It would be neat to see how the story keeps going.
7/12/2005 c1 JD
I spotted a few mistakes, but one that really jumps out at me is: '"This wont hurt one bit, I promise" Ash smirked as he whispered into the boys ear.'It should be:'"This won't hurt one bit, I promise." Ashe smirked as he whispered into the boy's ear.'Without the '' :P

Anyway it's a really good start, but if he leaves the body for the dogs - doesn't he live in a town, right? So wouldn't the constant murders would be noticed if he left the body lying out in the street?

Just a question :P

7/11/2005 c1 8Fractured Princess
WOW! You need to continue this story. It's great. I heard you tell me about Ash at school but I never thought it would be as great as this Kah. Keep it up.Your writing skills are also improving rapidly. I don't think I really found many mistakes at all. And the story-line is so far good.


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