for inside my mind10/21/2005 c8 David Stephen
Wow - these poems are so heartfelt and I can tell they have come from the heart. You write with a lovely flare - continue! Thank you for my review for TRRT- it is very much appreciated! :) ~DS~
Wow - these poems are so heartfelt and I can tell they have come from the heart. You write with a lovely flare - continue! Thank you for my review for TRRT- it is very much appreciated! :) ~DS~
8/11/2005 c7 
29Katterree Fengari
hmm...again the tone feels, I don't know, skewed. A little too much repitition on the "5 years" I think. But good rhythm. However, I have no idea what happened to the speaker.
29Katterree Fengarihmm...again the tone feels, I don't know, skewed. A little too much repitition on the "5 years" I think. But good rhythm. However, I have no idea what happened to the speaker.
8/11/2005 c6 Katterree Fengari
um...oddly enough, it feels like you're telling the story from an outside perspective. Like, if you had it in third person instead of first, it would make sense.
I mean, the bitter "life made me this way" fits, but saying that "I have an...attititude" and "hoping/ that one day/ I will live" just feels like a conflicting tone to me. Psychologically, it doesn't make sense, I don't know...maybe if it were after-the-fact.
There's also some typos on the line "lite up m life" 'lit' and 'my' instead, I think.
I do like the repitition of "wishing/ hoping" that works well.
um...oddly enough, it feels like you're telling the story from an outside perspective. Like, if you had it in third person instead of first, it would make sense.
I mean, the bitter "life made me this way" fits, but saying that "I have an...attititude" and "hoping/ that one day/ I will live" just feels like a conflicting tone to me. Psychologically, it doesn't make sense, I don't know...maybe if it were after-the-fact.
There's also some typos on the line "lite up m life" 'lit' and 'my' instead, I think.
I do like the repitition of "wishing/ hoping" that works well.
8/7/2005 c7 DragonFaeLynn
5 years is a long time. Maybe something really great will change your life in the future and you'll go back to being happy and carefree.
5 years is a long time. Maybe something really great will change your life in the future and you'll go back to being happy and carefree.
8/7/2005 c5 DragonFaeLynn
I guess you just have to make yourself open up to people. I have to. It's really hard, but sometimes, it can make life a lot easier.
I guess you just have to make yourself open up to people. I have to. It's really hard, but sometimes, it can make life a lot easier.