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for Blackstones of Utopia

9/4/2005 c12 9The Ordained
Ok cool...1 thing...please when u upload a doc separate different scenes by putting a line in, makes it easier to figure when the scenes changed.

Alot of elegant and clever dialouge and description, as well as a few mistakes and confused moments.

I like the new twist...like it alot. Obvious that the Sorcerer king was the author of the dark magic used to spy on the fellowship.

Looking forward to next chap.

Btw, sorry for the wait, ive been away for 2 weeksish. And it may take a while for more chapters to come up on my story, as the heavier details of the plot are under planning.;) Update soon!
8/18/2005 c11 The Ordained
ok so it wasnt sir dong, it was an owl. Hmm i was close...not lol.

Good chapter, little Fric surprised me with his violence after he seemed like such a whimp when they encountered the trolls originally.

The fight between the fellowship was becoming interesting...fortunate they all heard the owl before any blood was shed.

looking forward to next chapter.
8/16/2005 c10 The Ordained
Again, once fully edited, with all elements of melodrama exterminated, and slight confusion in the fight scenes fixed, this chapter will be awesome.

I love the idea with the mist, and i could see what you were trying to communicate. Deep deep fog, shadowy blurs and nash and lady mist dart through the mist killing off confused trolls...would make a good movie lol.

Characters are developing well, though Lady Mist bursting into tears took me a bit by surprise as a moment before she seemed all warrioress and tough. But i guess i can understand her horror at the slaughter.

And for some reason i really like the character of Fric.

A spy...hmm...i'll take a guessSir Dong. Just a guess lol. I gues we will see if im right.

Good chapter, can't wait for the next one.
8/15/2005 c9 The Ordained
cool.Pretty cool fight scene. A little confusing and soemtimes too wordy, but very interesting.

I like this mysterious warrior. Talos asked a good question. Who the hell is he.

And another cliffhanger...
8/12/2005 c7 The Ordained
ok im writing this as i read...

Hm Mr King looks like hes got some side effects from the mace hit.

Aww so there is something growing between Nash and Lady Mist. Naughty boys going to get girl germs.Not to mention an opening for Goxx to exploit.

I really admire how you have given some order to the chaos of the situation and so many people talking in the one room. Really well done.

haha the romance is growwing!

Nex chap!
8/10/2005 c2 1Charissa Mariah
im not sure what to say. i understood a little bit of wat was going on, but the rest of it totally confused me...but not because it was hard to follow...i think your characters need to be developed more. thats what threw me off. i did like it though. im curious to find out more about this mysterious figure
8/10/2005 c6 9The Ordained
haha defiantley your best chapter so far. As someone who enjoys the odd battle scene, i gotta say the Telos fight was awesome lol. Telos is a champ.

Really good chap.

Let me gues...Goxx thinks that Nash's weakness is Lady Mist?

Hhaaha im getting so into this. Update soon!
8/8/2005 c5 The Ordained
haha yay...here we go. A battle! I love battles...though i prefer open feild war to close fighting, or assassin work.

Again, dam u for leaving it on a cliffhanger. I was so getting excited lol. Oh well, guess i'll have to wait till next chapter.

Only 1 criticism...at some points during the story, it becomes to melodramatic, and loses a bit of its realism, though its very minor and an unpicky reader wouldnt notice.Still, im trying to help you make the story as best as possible, so i thought id mention it ;)

Anyway, update soon.

Btw, my nex chap will be up soon. Thanks for reviewing.
8/7/2005 c4 The Ordained

Fascinating. Strong chapter. Good development of the character of Nash. Also like the interest you've established between him and Lady Mist.

The story with the old man had great imagery and was vivid. Somewhat confusing at some points, but he general idea came across. The quest sounds like alot of fun chapter ahead.

Nice job, cant wait till nex chapter.
8/1/2005 c1 LittleNicky3
w00t im king kakashi!... holler back.

no i really am... lol its mirror in ure face

well everyone else keep reviewing cuz that makes us all keep writing... an MWHAHAH I KNOW WHAT GONNA HAPPEN NEXT!
8/1/2005 c3 The Ordained
Dammit u just HAD to end the chapter there...just when he was explaining his quest *sighs* typical...

i was getting into it too lol.

Good, work, cant wait for nex chap.
8/1/2005 c2 The Ordained
well...things got a bit violent lol.

Comments: once again cool plot, action etc. Could use some editing, as there are grammar mistakes that interupt flow (im so guilty of doing that as well lol)

Overall, another cool chapter. Looking forward tot he next one.
8/1/2005 c1 The Ordained
oh oh...nast cliffhanger lol. Dun like the sound of those eyes...

Wow, cool beggining. I like the fact your not shy in creating a 'utopia world' with many races, the more races the more fun lol.

Thanx for reviewing my stuff, and ill get reading the next chapter. This is great...orcs...elves...evil things with dark eyes...*whoops* my idea of a story

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