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1/10/2002 c1 Greg
Joel: Great idea! I've been trying to come up with something along the lines of that for a long time now, but you beat me to it! LOL, its a great plot, excellent theme, but I think the story itself needs work. Every aspect of the maing plot is pretty good, but some details (the mooon having a liquid mantle-not possible, magma leaking out...just not right) need revising. But besides t hose minor details that just needd some adjustment, I think its a geart idea and could be a bestseller. Also, lenghthen the chapters. I printed it and its only like 2 pages. The prologue is good, but the chapters could be a bit longer...maybe its just the tiny font. And also? Don't start with "once upon a time". I know the effect you're looking for, but it just doesn't work.

Overall, great storry with awesome potential!
7/1/2001 c3 12Aurora Light
Ummmm... Ok. The first two parts were good. #3 was funny, but are you doing a comdey or action? Good start, either way.
3/3/2001 c1 1Joel Dao-Zi Kh'as

I accidently uploaded a different chapter than I meant to... ^.^;; Watashi no Baka desu lol. That is not the 3rd chapter... but still, if you like it, please say so!

-Joel Dao-Zi Kh'as
2/22/2001 c2 Bluepencil
Now there! It's good and it's obviously going to get better. Kudos, Joel!_ah..tip: More background descriptions of people and events. I assume that Marcus hates Joel because he's friends with an alien? I'd really like to get a glimpse of that alien next chapter..All in all...a seven. (Hey, it's only 2 chapts into the fic, after all...I'm hedging my decisions..)
2/14/2001 c1 Bluepencil
Hmm...the idea is plausible..and the plot is nothing short of creative. But I'm a little miffed at the tone of this story. It's like a documentary. It's just a matter of personal taste, but it would be better if there were actual people here, with good dialouge. for instance, have a Supervisor in charge of the process, a bigot who was the main man fanning the anti-alien flames...an innocent symbiote, falsely slandered,a human symphatizer, ostracized, a group of extremists who look normal on the outside...There is serious dialouge potential here... A 6 for now, because it's a damn good story that's still in its developing stages.
2/7/2001 c1 1Anatol Rathbauer
Nicely written (seeing that you say you will improve it), but I must say that when I read SciFi based on *our* Earth in the near future I like it to be scientifically believable - now I know SciFi would be pretty boring if it always stayed true to the "science" part, as this often hampers the "fiction" one. Alas, a luiquid mantle on our moon is impossible (simply too small), and a single meteor could never cause all the water to escape into space again (I guess that's what you wanted to say, because if the water "evaporated", so became steam, it would have become fluid water again some time.). I really liked the whole "bacteria"-part, though. All in all quite good, just needs some tweaking.
2/2/2001 c1 Parodys
Um okay...since you asked...this was kind of hard to read with only two paragraphs, it would have been alot easier if you hade broken it up into smaller parts. It's an interesting idea...very cool and I'm looking forward to reading the next parts. Email me if you need a beta reader for your next parts. :)

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