for Memories of Halinor10/4/2006 c20 
3Blood Typhoon
Hey dude, sorry, I've been horribly busy over the summer, a lot of projects to do for my senior year. And I had work. Anyway, I've kept up to date, and I just finished reading this story, front to end. I like it A LOT. It is definitely one of my all time favorite stories. I really like the detail and the mood effects the story gave off, as well as the plot line. The characters were definitely well thought out, as well as the internal and external struggles throughout the story. You've definitely increased in talent since I last read your work. Keep up the good work bro. Later.
3Blood TyphoonHey dude, sorry, I've been horribly busy over the summer, a lot of projects to do for my senior year. And I had work. Anyway, I've kept up to date, and I just finished reading this story, front to end. I like it A LOT. It is definitely one of my all time favorite stories. I really like the detail and the mood effects the story gave off, as well as the plot line. The characters were definitely well thought out, as well as the internal and external struggles throughout the story. You've definitely increased in talent since I last read your work. Keep up the good work bro. Later.
8/22/2006 c1 8beadlety
Hi! Thank you for reviewing my one-shot! It really made my day because the reviewer before you was a flamer and I'm not going to lie: it hurt. So! I've only read chapter one so far but I think it's really interesting and I'll definitely be following this story to its conclusion! :P
8beadletyHi! Thank you for reviewing my one-shot! It really made my day because the reviewer before you was a flamer and I'm not going to lie: it hurt. So! I've only read chapter one so far but I think it's really interesting and I'll definitely be following this story to its conclusion! :P
8/20/2006 c1 WOLF2045
That was very interesting. I think the characters are very well placed and thought out...I think it will turn out to be very good.
That was very interesting. I think the characters are very well placed and thought out...I think it will turn out to be very good.
7/31/2006 c2 6Ara Crae
Another good chapter. I did notice a few typos like "waited" instead of "Waked". I also was a little confused as to who was speaking at times, but that's part of the syle I like and when I was confused you provided a little knowledge as to who was the speaker. My other major critique is that the uncle seems to me to be a little too emotional than I first thought him to be, but then again, this is only an opinion of a reader.I still love your story and can't wait to read more!
6Ara CraeAnother good chapter. I did notice a few typos like "waited" instead of "Waked". I also was a little confused as to who was speaking at times, but that's part of the syle I like and when I was confused you provided a little knowledge as to who was the speaker. My other major critique is that the uncle seems to me to be a little too emotional than I first thought him to be, but then again, this is only an opinion of a reader.I still love your story and can't wait to read more!
7/31/2006 c1 Ara Crae
An excellent opening chapter. the characters intrigue me and seeme to be well thought out and have a good intro to me as a reader. the last sentance in the chapter is awesome! I'm moving on!
An excellent opening chapter. the characters intrigue me and seeme to be well thought out and have a good intro to me as a reader. the last sentance in the chapter is awesome! I'm moving on!
7/7/2006 c17 6the wind is crying
It all finally makes sense! Well, I'm still confused about some of the characters (ie. Kya, Taiden and Aigo) but I understand the plot. Way to tie it all together. As I've read this, I've grown to really like your style. I can't wait to see how you finish the story!
6the wind is cryingIt all finally makes sense! Well, I'm still confused about some of the characters (ie. Kya, Taiden and Aigo) but I understand the plot. Way to tie it all together. As I've read this, I've grown to really like your style. I can't wait to see how you finish the story!
7/6/2006 c16 4Uxinta-Taka
Again defeat. This time it was not so clear cut. I think you should show the overall picture more. I like how you switch from one character to another. It gives things a broader expanse. However, if this happens, what will happen as repreccussions to other characters? Every action has a reaction to more than those who caused it.
I'm glad you cleared up the confusion about the extent of the Halinor's power. Everything makes a bit more sense now. Great job!
4Uxinta-TakaAgain defeat. This time it was not so clear cut. I think you should show the overall picture more. I like how you switch from one character to another. It gives things a broader expanse. However, if this happens, what will happen as repreccussions to other characters? Every action has a reaction to more than those who caused it.
I'm glad you cleared up the confusion about the extent of the Halinor's power. Everything makes a bit more sense now. Great job!
7/6/2006 c11 Uxinta-Taka
The dialogue between Halindor and Taiden is great. Its unconventional and original. It also gives us insight into the type of relationship that they have. I also like the fact that while he was training, nothing came too easily and that he failed to protect the city. It shows how terrible the enemy is and how hard he has to work. Commended!
The dialogue between Halindor and Taiden is great. Its unconventional and original. It also gives us insight into the type of relationship that they have. I also like the fact that while he was training, nothing came too easily and that he failed to protect the city. It shows how terrible the enemy is and how hard he has to work. Commended!
7/6/2006 c5 Uxinta-Taka
I find Baru a very interesting character. You make him 3D and likeable. He is no-nonsense, all muscle, and practicle. Yet, he also has a sense of justice that is not always apparent in mercenaries. I liked this chapter.
I find Baru a very interesting character. You make him 3D and likeable. He is no-nonsense, all muscle, and practicle. Yet, he also has a sense of justice that is not always apparent in mercenaries. I liked this chapter.
7/6/2006 c1 Uxinta-Taka
As an introduction, this chapter has merit. It will be interesting to see how things have changed scince that time. You did a good job because the peace and innocence of this chapter will sharply contrast with the next. I like that you use the last few paragraphs to convey it as well. It adds suspence.
As an introduction, this chapter has merit. It will be interesting to see how things have changed scince that time. You did a good job because the peace and innocence of this chapter will sharply contrast with the next. I like that you use the last few paragraphs to convey it as well. It adds suspence.
4/27/2006 c5 12Shadowed Echo
Your writing is very good. The only thing you might be able to work on is characters. Some of them seem very similar. Oh well, apart from that it's great.
12Shadowed EchoYour writing is very good. The only thing you might be able to work on is characters. Some of them seem very similar. Oh well, apart from that it's great.
4/20/2006 c4 1MSTK
Great story. I love the mounting conflict, and you build up your characters well. But there may be too many all at once. At some points I find myself getting the characters mixed up and having to step back away from the story to think things over.
Also, your story seems to consist of more than 80% dialogue. This is great and all, but maybe you could describe the surrounding areas. Try appealing to all of the senses, besides just maybe sight and touch. The scenes move by very fast and there doesn't seem to be any sense of length in them. You might want to smooth out some of the transitions.
Overall, a very well-written story.
1MSTKGreat story. I love the mounting conflict, and you build up your characters well. But there may be too many all at once. At some points I find myself getting the characters mixed up and having to step back away from the story to think things over.
Also, your story seems to consist of more than 80% dialogue. This is great and all, but maybe you could describe the surrounding areas. Try appealing to all of the senses, besides just maybe sight and touch. The scenes move by very fast and there doesn't seem to be any sense of length in them. You might want to smooth out some of the transitions.
Overall, a very well-written story.
2/28/2006 c11 12Safekht
So it took me a while to read this chapter. Jose, my friend, what is up with the dying scenes? Yeah, they're short, but they're so... so... overused. They've been done before. Heh, maybe I'm just not a fan of mushy stuff, (which I'm not) but COME ON! Work with me here. Other than that... the Swalm guy standing on top of the crates seems like it's a bit too prepared, unless he's doing a job up there or something. Let's face it: Who wants to stand on top of some crates all day just to see if some kids'll show?
Just to make sure I'm not COMPLETELY flaming you... I did manage to look up 'Aigo's' name and find up some interesting stuff. For example... did you know the kanji (or it might be kana, for all I know, but that's beside the point) means 'love language', even though my book defines it as 'protection'? I thought that was cool.
12SafekhtSo it took me a while to read this chapter. Jose, my friend, what is up with the dying scenes? Yeah, they're short, but they're so... so... overused. They've been done before. Heh, maybe I'm just not a fan of mushy stuff, (which I'm not) but COME ON! Work with me here. Other than that... the Swalm guy standing on top of the crates seems like it's a bit too prepared, unless he's doing a job up there or something. Let's face it: Who wants to stand on top of some crates all day just to see if some kids'll show?
Just to make sure I'm not COMPLETELY flaming you... I did manage to look up 'Aigo's' name and find up some interesting stuff. For example... did you know the kanji (or it might be kana, for all I know, but that's beside the point) means 'love language', even though my book defines it as 'protection'? I thought that was cool.
2/25/2006 c2 1Marmite Hogaboom
I really like this story. Will read the rest of the story asap. could u please read my stories and tell me what you think. Cheers
1Marmite HogaboomI really like this story. Will read the rest of the story asap. could u please read my stories and tell me what you think. Cheers
2/25/2006 c1 Marmite Hogaboom
I like it. A bit confused by the characters but Iam sure I will get into the story later and understand it and the characters.
I like it. A bit confused by the characters but Iam sure I will get into the story later and understand it and the characters.