9/4/2005 c1 4Tikvah Ariel
First, let me make sure that you are aware of the fact that you gave away your storys' ending in the first paragraph. Great, now that thats clear, onto the other two paragraphs (really short chapter).

Okay, for starters you need to fix your formatting, work on transitions, and not use four commas in one sentence.

Plot wise, the whole bunny part was not good at all. Its written in a predictable and fast moving fashion, good for littler kids. Doesn't do it for many others.

I also find it odd that you say parents, not adults. Anways, it seems pretty standard and without much promise to me, but I've read much worse and think it has promise. Besides, as you write you will get better, I simply won't return

8/21/2005 c1 2cjwriter
I will be posting my next chapter tommorow. Sorry I have not posted in a while, but i was on vacation.