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7/3/2007 c1 16Long Island Iced Tea
A very interesting chapter - lolz, I agree with granddad! Cameron is sweet - inspite of the Neville-like-nervousness radiating from him I enjoy him.
11/17/2006 c5 22theysayshannon
" Father’s need for her, I could not jeopardize my own plans for her"

You repeat her. It sounds ... not so lovely.

Repetitive words bug me. Sorry. ;]

I wonder why she is so 'black'. She doesn't seem evil or anything.

Aww, she kissed him. :D

She sounds really pretty.

And David sounds kind of cheesey.

Haha.

Good job. I'll definately be waiting for more!
11/17/2006 c4 theysayshannon
"The girl who named herself Elise smiled slightly"

That statement sounded ironic to me, regaurding the whole thing. :]

"everything I was belonged to father"

That sentance is awkward.

I'm looking foreward to the rest of this because it does not quite make sense.

I thought Odette was the Swan Princess? I wonder how "Odette" Elise plays in to this with Odile. once again, great job!
11/17/2006 c3 theysayshannon
Aww.

I loved the Swan Princess when I was little. :]

it was sad. :[

"Did he ever think of the one he already had?"

I really like that sentance.

Aw, I love how he called her Odile. :] That's cute.

I really liked this chapter also!

I think that the conversation in the garden was about choppy though. A stranger came and then they bantered and she made him leave. When she randomly yelled, No it seemed a little out of place, maybe? I don't know.

But this was good otherwise.

It's really odd that Elise got sucked in.

Is she not ready to be the keeper? Is that what the keepers do? :]
11/17/2006 c2 theysayshannon
Elise has never been dizzy in her whole life? That's sort of a skeptical part.

This chapter was really good.

You have a way of keeping me want more. :]

Not much critisism here. I wonder who the girl is?
11/16/2006 c1 theysayshannon
Reviewing as I go along.

So far I really like your style.

Ooh, I was expecting it to be her grandfather that died till I put some peices together. Nice twist.

"That’s when she’d screamed.

Elise told her mind to shut up."

That transition is sort of awkward.

When Elise goes back to reality I didn't realize that; I thought she was still flashing back.

this was really good.

nice job.

It's very intruiging.

Nice job! If you're not busy, R&R my story- Annemisu?

If not that's fine. I'll finish reading this later. :]
9/5/2006 c5 7gingerbeer
Wow, I am absolutely in love with the character of Odile. You've managed to make everything about her so objective, that no matter how many times she says she's black inside, I can't help but see things from her point of view. Meanwhile, I'm really worried about Elise. You've successfully made your reader make an emotional investment. Bravo! When's Chapter 6 coming?
9/5/2006 c4 gingerbeer
Hi Islandbreeze! I missed this story a lot. I love how you play with Elise's and Dilee's points of view. It's still very ambiguous how Elise acts/thinks about the man. Exactly what part does Dilee play? That's what motivates me to keep turning the page. I can tell Dilee is starting to feel some emotion toward her father, even if it's dark.
7/16/2006 c3 8Barbados
I for one found it to be a nice twist when the girl turned out to be Elise. I was expecting Elise to be Dilee, and the girl to perhaps be Elise's mother. The castle setup is a bit confusing to me, so it might help to describe it a little more, somehow. With the way her father is, it seems unlikely a boy would have been able to sneak about unnoticed. He is also the only other person that has been mentioned thus far. Are there lots of people in this castle?
7/15/2006 c5 9Alteng
I finally trudeged through that bloody 45 paged chapter I was reading.

Anyway, this story just gets weirder and weirder. I love it for that, mind you. You are doing a good job of writing a character, who thinks that she is a monster or evil, but she really isn't. I like this best out of your stories, mind you.
7/5/2006 c2 8Barbados
Heyla. I didn't find as much to offer CC on in this chapter. The only complaint I could have is when Elise realizes it's four, you don't specify AM or PM. If I had read the chapters back to back, I might have realized it was AM, but since I didn't (and had forgot it was the middle of the night,) I got lost when she started going to sleep right after that (at which point I went... oh, AM, gotcha.)The line "But she dreamed of swans," was marvelous. It adds a sense of wonder and mystery that really helps bolster the tale.Also, I love how your story is written so much differently than the book she is reading, so keep that up. I'll be back again in a day or two to continue. Be well till then! :)
7/5/2006 c5 NO LONGER USING
I feel sort of sorry for her, everything seems to go hard for her. I hope you update soon, because this is really very*very good. So please update soon. ^.~

-Lacy
7/5/2006 c4 NO LONGER USING
I like how in the ending, she talks of how she feels that her father owns everything, including her. Nice portray of emotions
7/5/2006 c3 NO LONGER USING
*How much more perfect could it get, fairytale within a story. I love that. Thanks for all those reviews by the way, I loved them, especially since now I understand what parts of the story need tuning up. But back to your story. I can't wait to see how the plot unfolds especially since it's like two stories, one within the other, *brilliance.

~Lacy
7/5/2006 c2 NO LONGER USING
Great chapter...If I haven't said it already this is a great story. Sorry about the pathetic review. I'll have to work on that. Anyway this was a perfect chapter, written imaculately with all the decription.

~Lacy
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