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for Eternity's Kiss

10/8/2005 c7 19Lara Bykirk
I'm excited by the mounting tension in this chapter-I'm very interested by who "those beyond the veil" are. I'd just like to know about the exact nature of vampirism in your world, especially this bloodstone that you talked about.
10/6/2005 c7 26Scooz
Crazy! I love it. So Eric is not free of his ties with Alris other than she was his sire, correct?Btw: two thing. One mistake-his “sister, this was through Hope's pov. I think you meant his "sister". And second, I wen tot check out your new story, Secrets of the Moor. but I do not think it uploaded right or something cuz it cuts off and you cannot review it. Just letting you know. It could be my computer, it has not been working right, but FictionPress is not exactly the most reliabel either.
10/2/2005 c6 23softlycryingrain
well, I just figured I'd have one review for the rest of the chapters so that I could get through them a bit more quickly. Your story really is quite interesting, I really like your characters, you portray them well, each of them has a truly unique personality. Too many writers have characters whose personalities are too similar to each other, and it gets boring. Excellent job. I believe I've previously mentioned that I like your writing style... I only have a couple of complaints. One, you have a few typos, nothing too hindering, but slightly annoying. Then you do tend to be quite melodramatic at parts, but its not actually that bad because its fun to read ^_^ so I guess that's not really a complaint...oh well.

I especially liked the end of this chapter, it leaves us in suspense. Can't wait till you continue!~SCR
9/26/2005 c2 softlycryingrain
well, I promised that I'd be back, I just didn't think it would take me so long! Sorry about that.This chapter was really interesting...poor Hope! Her father seems to be a horrible man, and then there's the mysterious background on her mother's side.I love how you keep switching between Eric's and Hope's points of views! It gives the story more depth, almost like two storylines intertwining...The only bit of CC I have for this one is that there are a few instances when I think you used the wrong word, probably a typo, like feed instead of fed, and reorganized when I think you meant recognized. Just something to be careful with, not a big deal.I really like where this story is going! Great job!~SCR
9/22/2005 c6 1rrmehta364
most of my criticism and compliments are the same as before. i like anna. the last line could have been cheesy but the way you did it made it wonderful.
9/22/2005 c5 rrmehta364
oh i like this chapter quite a bit. alris is such a fascinating character. well, so s everyone else in your story. the dialogue is definately a strong point, though a little more detail would be nice. still awesome though.
9/20/2005 c6 1Shyin
The Ring! Course i don't know what that has to do with his race...is Hope half vampire cause it sure sounded like it.
9/20/2005 c6 2miss understanding
"Are you a goddess?" this line is so cute. Exactly what a little kid would say except nowadays it'd probably be along the lines of "Are you a movie star?" Sad times we live in.

Well, I love the descriptions and such good vocabulary! I really like stories that have big words. More the better if they require me to pick up a dictionary.

I really like the closing line in this story, He found...hope is so...cliffhangerish (can't think of a word now, my brain is fried from work) and holds adouble meaning.

I like the quotes at the top. They're all about vampires. Is it hard to find all these quotes because this was what caught my attention.

To tell the truth, this story is the reason I started putting quotes on my own. It was such a good idea and it can really summarize the idea of a story. I hope you don't mind.

So I really like this story so far. I love the descriptions! lol, you make everything sound so elegant.

I've rambled enough now. I'll get on with reading...
9/20/2005 c5 9Alteng
Somehow wouldn't doubt that Alris killed her sire, but somehow I could now imagine her be an underling to anyone. Oh well, we all have our beginings, and I guess Hope will be on the menu.

Ah, was there any doubt that Hope would accept Eric's invitation. I wonder what Hope's dad has to say about it.
9/18/2005 c6 19Lara Bykirk
Very interesting. I'd like to learn a little more about Anna. She seems just naive and young, but (unless I was mistaken and confused) there was something about her that made Alris not want to lie to her. And this ring, too... Very good story.
9/18/2005 c2 3Holli-chan Stevens
Nice second chapter. I like the way you build things up, with the suspense. You had a couple typos, but nothing a good round of proofreading can't fix. I love your description of Aldris at the beginning, I'm sorry, it just caught my attention more than anything else. I have fallen in love with your descriptions. Keep it up!

-Holli!
9/18/2005 c1 Holli-chan Stevens
Intriguing. I love the POV switch, although if you could make it a bit more clear, I think it would help the flow of the story. You've left me questioning. Who or what is Alris? Why is this man speaking about ancient Greece? Is he immortal, or a time traveler? Great start, although a bit short. But that's never a problem. Toodles!

-Holli!
9/16/2005 c6 26Scooz
AH! Is it the ring? Is that what Eric was referring to at the end of the chapter? Big plot twist! So was the comment about Hope being of Alris' father's flesh. I was reading it, then BAM! Out of no where. I thought it was kind cute how Alris seemed almost warm towards Anna, since she could not decieve her. Anna's so cute with her child like curiosity too. I love how she just went up to Alris and asked if she was a goddess.

Btw, this threw me off since it did not say who said it. At first I assumed Hope said it, but the staement is odd.

“Yes, where is your charming sister?” Eric moved closer, and gave Hope was he hoped was a dashing smile. And pray there is no God to smite me as a liar.

“Actually, they have a lot in common. Our sisters, I mean. Did you like mine?”

I do not quite get the response...maybe my mind is just slow at 12:26 AM. Was it Hope that made the response to Eric's question? If so, what did she mean by 'Our sisters'? She could not be referring to Alris...I dunno. Anyway, great chapter. I really like the descriptiveness used for Alris. Really gives you a vivid picture of her, especially after the previous chapter points out her Egyptian heritage.

And I am working really hard to work on the next Purple Thorn chapter, but I rarely write through a male's pov, let alone this specific male. I had not planned on him originally being a character, so I am developing him as I go. Plus I'm running low on inspirational juices. The Phoenician Shadows Prologue was not only a stroy i have been meaning to start, but it was also used to help cure my writer's block for Purple Thorn. I have about 3 pages of the second chapter so far and I will try my best to work on it and post it as soon as possible tomorrow...today actually. THis next chapter is gonna make way for some interesting changes in the story compared to the original ^^ But I won't spoil it for you.

Real quick, I can't remember if I have asked you before or not, but I think I asked you if you have read Underworld, the novel based on the movie in 2003 about vampyres vs lycans...and I think you told me you haven't, that or I am thinking of someone completely different. Anyway, if you haven't, you'll want to. If you have, then I was wondering if you have read the second Underworld book that goes to the Underworld sequel that will be in threaters in Jan. '06?

::We should have a Fictionpress bookclub or something w/ chat rooms where authors can talk about their stories/poetry and good books they have read with one another, huh?::
9/16/2005 c5 Scooz
Hokay, just want to point something in the first paragraph real quick:

"Thought was quite a new..."

I think you meant "Though it was a new..."

And when Alris referred to the person Arik, that was like Eric's original name right? Cuz I have seen stories where a character's original name is either changed or "Christianized" (in one of my stories it was Erzebet to Elizabeth) during the duration of their life time...so I was just curious about that cuz I understand the concept and it gives Eric an intruiging edge. Why would he change his name? Blend in? Trying to run away from his past? Or maybe he just felt like it.

Gotta admit though, this Alris is bad news, I knew it the moment I learned she was Eric's sire. And btw, love the Yeats comment, he is one of my favorite poets. The first poem of his I ever saw actually was in a vampyre book by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes. If you haven't read one of her vampyre stories, I strongly suggest you to check them out. Her vampyre and shapeshifter series are awesome, and easy to read as they are kinda short (took my 3 hours to read the first book, but that was mainly cuz I am a habitual reader...but then again so are you huh?), but still great stories.

Anyway, I'm rambling. I do not care what risk Hope's father took for love, I still don't think that gives him the right to treat her and Anna the way he does...but I speak from a pre-bias point of view of course.

HAHAHAHA! I love how oblivous Eric is to his own affection for Hope. Quite sad but I guess with the history Alris presented us with, his subconscious and his heart might be fighting to keep him from repeating the same mistake twice...or I could be over analyzing the situation.

Btw, no Egypt was not part of the Fertile Crescent, but I do sympathize with the late night dreariness that contributes to odd assumptions...I get it all the time, albeit it is usually after a long stressful day of work or school.

...And I think that's about it, I should really wrap this up before I start rambling again. Now I go to read the next chapter. I'm anxious to see if Alris notices Eric new flame and I am wondering how Hope's father will react to Eric's invatation. I imagine he would be pleased since he is trying to marry Hope off to some rich Lord...Fin
9/11/2005 c2 1rrmehta364
i lke hope a lot. is she actually an ugly character or is that just what hers father says. itd be interesting to see a character who wasnt beautiful.
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