Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Eternity's Kiss

8/27/2005 c3 5Ciao.Bella.Soldato
Very good. You keep me intruiged with Eric's ambition for Hope. Please do udate soon!

-Phoenix
8/27/2005 c2 19Lara Bykirk
Very interesting. I really liked the way you started the chapter off with another piece of poetry. It's really cool, and it really helps to build the mood. I was intrigued by Alris, and the mention of sharing auras. On the whole, this is a really nice story. I would just suggest revising the two or three paragraphs around where you say that Erik is a duke. They seemed a little bit abrupt, out of nowhere.
8/25/2005 c3 1Clodhopper
Chapter one: good intro, i thought. the little poem thing. caught my attention. Also the "first time i looked into those eyes" line. and the tolken-double-flip. short, but to the point. nice.

Chapter 2: be careful of comma splices, they will get cha. "What was interesting, though, was the way she looked over her shoulder every now and then, or just paused and cocked her head slightly to the right, as if she could tell someone was watching her." i really liked that miniature paragraph. it was a way of showing us a snippit of her POV while still in his mind. I also liked the description about her not being a great beauty. i actually wouldnt have minded if you would have gone more in depth for that part. maybe it's the way she carries herself? her "vibe"? things like that. dad sounds awful. "She said," with the comment below should be "She said:" and then in the next paragraph have the dialogue.

Chapter 3: the dialogue in this is very natural. loved the little mouse comment. sorry i cant say more, i gotta ditch out

this is very promising!

~Mack
8/24/2005 c3 1Shyin
Ooh, Intriguing, I like it!
8/24/2005 c3 2SaveMeFromThisNightmare
gosh i love your story so far! you HAVE to update Right. Now. i love how you put all that detail into it, it really gives you an idea of how to visualize the whole setting, you know what i mean? so hurry up and update.
8/24/2005 c1 19Lara Bykirk
Interesting. I really liked the segment of poetry that you put in at the beginning; you chose it perfectly to set the mood.
8/18/2005 c2 1Shyin
I've never heard of vanille eyes, i think thats pretty cool. Good chapter.
8/18/2005 c2 26Scooz
Awesome. I love the details, and of love the off-white colorings you used to describe her eyes. It is odd to imagine yet it seemed hauntingly lovely when you described it to her features. HA! someone has a crush on her too. Makes me laugh to see a guy who can't understand the concept of having a crush when he is watching a woman.

Caught something during the first segement through Eric's pov:"Traitorous thoughts filled my head, he wanted that aura for himself, Alris would have to find her own."Btw, I love your beginning quote. Very beautiful.

About your review: Yes, I have read all of the Wayfarer Redemption books up to Sinner. I loved Sinner! It is the beginning of a new adventure greater than the Prophecy of the Destroyer and it goes into a more indept description of Tencendor's history. I highly recommend it as well as the Underworld book. You don't have to see the movie, the book is ten times better...though the movie does have a lot of gun carrying sexy vampyres in leather and kick ass boots *purrs*

Anyway, thanx for pointing out the 'pedal' thing. I have words like petal and metal which tend to be confused with pedal and medal when you aren't thinking about it. I was on a writer's high and didnt stop to think about the difference. And since you like The Unholy Bible, I will try to start on the 3rd chapter if I catch writer's block on The Purple Thorn. Thanx again for another good review. ^^
8/16/2005 c1 177notated descant
Your story is vivid and intriguing, though short. It's wonderful!
8/15/2005 c1 72Link-Atrix
I like this, little short, but I really want to read more :) I like the first line. Also the very top part. Very good, keep writting!
8/14/2005 c1 1Shyin
Intriguing! Can't wait to read what happens next.
8/14/2005 c1 3Pont
Hi! Pont again!

Aren't vampires so cool? :squeals: now that I've got my rabid-fan-of-bloodsucking-beings-especially-fics-about-them thing out of the way, this is starting out so cool! I love the little mushy lovestruck cliche (only really works in vamp ficcies ^_~) descriptions.

Hehe, stalker vampies are the best! ^_~ isn't writing vampie ficcies fun? though this is already totally making me want to hang my head in shame for my attempt. I keep picturing the vampire guy bishie :snickers: :is shot:. Keep up the good work!

~ponteh
8/13/2005 c1 26Scooz
Oh. I love stories that use mythical creatures. Lamia is probably more or less a role model next to Lilith. Good start, very short, but it leaves the reader wondering. btw, I love the quote. Lord Byron was an excellent writer. The first line of the actual story, "The first time I looked..." Really captures the reader because it is a bold line and demands an explantion. Good job.
73 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service