for Misalliance1/20/2006 c7 
20Pheobe Meryll
Hello! Thanks so much for all your reviews on "Butterfly"...I'm sorry it took so long for me to review this chappie.
I love how you described Islana's heels clicking against the floor "as if from very far away"...I know what that feels like.
a smile or grin? Or maybe a small grin?
The comma after the 'seemed' is unneccesary.
I love how Cinderella is entwined in all this (the lady of cinders, indeed!). Nice work, and keep writing!
20Pheobe MeryllHello! Thanks so much for all your reviews on "Butterfly"...I'm sorry it took so long for me to review this chappie.
I love how you described Islana's heels clicking against the floor "as if from very far away"...I know what that feels like.
a smile or grin? Or maybe a small grin?
The comma after the 'seemed' is unneccesary.
I love how Cinderella is entwined in all this (the lady of cinders, indeed!). Nice work, and keep writing!
1/19/2006 c1 1Clodhopper
Dialogue was great. I thought that was one of the best parts in this piece - the characters talking was nicely done. At the start a little more details about their surroundings would have been nice. Similiarly, the dialogue with the prince and the girl was interesting. I liked the snapping at each other and the obvious frustration but I felt as if some descriptions were lacking.
Mack
We have updated Passion if you're interested. I will try and return to this story later, i have to go to class now
1ClodhopperDialogue was great. I thought that was one of the best parts in this piece - the characters talking was nicely done. At the start a little more details about their surroundings would have been nice. Similiarly, the dialogue with the prince and the girl was interesting. I liked the snapping at each other and the obvious frustration but I felt as if some descriptions were lacking.
Mack
We have updated Passion if you're interested. I will try and return to this story later, i have to go to class now
1/19/2006 c7 2Cirex
Hiya! Sorry I've taken so long to read more, I just finished making a large round of changes in AQOV, and that with school makes life busy.
But! I digress. On with the review!
'...perhaps she could move with more ease around the palace now that she was supposedly there as Charles guest" - 'Charles' needs an apostrophe after it.
Uh-oh... the Chancellor's pretty persistent. I hope he doesn't screw things up. :(
Anyway, keep updating. I gotta find something else to read now.
2CirexHiya! Sorry I've taken so long to read more, I just finished making a large round of changes in AQOV, and that with school makes life busy.
But! I digress. On with the review!
'...perhaps she could move with more ease around the palace now that she was supposedly there as Charles guest" - 'Charles' needs an apostrophe after it.
Uh-oh... the Chancellor's pretty persistent. I hope he doesn't screw things up. :(
Anyway, keep updating. I gotta find something else to read now.
1/19/2006 c7 KaronePrincess
Hi Islandbreeze, it's me Karoneprincess.
Wow...you updated the next chapter.
Islandria (her disguised name) or Islana. Poor..her..she facing the queen. Islana is a very nice girl. I like her.
Elloise and the Chancellor Quinton (I know his name)..I have a little humor between them. Elloise is trying to talk to Prince Charles, but that Chancellor Quinton is always follow her...ha-ha..I guess Elloise must been really hated him for following her so intentionally. I begain to like them both.
Please update more! The plot is really GREAT! I enjoyed reading it.
UPDATE MORE!
Best, KaronePrincess
Email:
Hi Islandbreeze, it's me Karoneprincess.
Wow...you updated the next chapter.
Islandria (her disguised name) or Islana. Poor..her..she facing the queen. Islana is a very nice girl. I like her.
Elloise and the Chancellor Quinton (I know his name)..I have a little humor between them. Elloise is trying to talk to Prince Charles, but that Chancellor Quinton is always follow her...ha-ha..I guess Elloise must been really hated him for following her so intentionally. I begain to like them both.
Please update more! The plot is really GREAT! I enjoyed reading it.
UPDATE MORE!
Best, KaronePrincess
Email:
1/13/2006 c7 1rrmehta364
hm...I always find it hard to believe when a peasant girl is portrayed as able to talk with the king and queen without making it obvious what she was. Still, I haven't seen enough of their interactions to say whether or not I believe them or not.
Anyways, great chapter, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
1rrmehta364hm...I always find it hard to believe when a peasant girl is portrayed as able to talk with the king and queen without making it obvious what she was. Still, I haven't seen enough of their interactions to say whether or not I believe them or not.
Anyways, great chapter, and I'm looking forward to reading more.
1/13/2006 c6 rrmehta364
dunno, when I'm aminiging the sickeningly sweet 'please' from Cadis, my mind points to my little sister complaining. Dunno, but there seemed something vaguely immature about that statement.
Anyways, other than that I like this chapter. Cadis seems like a strong female character without being all female warriory (which often break the laws of physics) ANyway, the only issue I have with the characters so far is that if I'm not mistaken, all the good guys so far are good looking. Dunno, I think I've been studying the halo effect a bit too much in psych, but good looking people generally aren't any better than not good looking people. Anways, thats all for now and I plan to be back soon.
-avjo.
dunno, when I'm aminiging the sickeningly sweet 'please' from Cadis, my mind points to my little sister complaining. Dunno, but there seemed something vaguely immature about that statement.
Anyways, other than that I like this chapter. Cadis seems like a strong female character without being all female warriory (which often break the laws of physics) ANyway, the only issue I have with the characters so far is that if I'm not mistaken, all the good guys so far are good looking. Dunno, I think I've been studying the halo effect a bit too much in psych, but good looking people generally aren't any better than not good looking people. Anways, thats all for now and I plan to be back soon.
-avjo.
1/13/2006 c5 rrmehta364
Hm...not much really happened in this chapter. Really nothing to criticise, and so far so good. I think I see how things are going. Good job, and hopefully will be more caught up soon.
Hm...not much really happened in this chapter. Really nothing to criticise, and so far so good. I think I see how things are going. Good job, and hopefully will be more caught up soon.
1/13/2006 c4 rrmehta364
well, i didn't really feel the hate. Dunno, but the first time I read it, it kind of seemed more like the I hate you a bratty teenager would say when annoyed at mom than a real deepfelt rage. Other than that, no CC yet. However, the magic ban may get more sticky. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing all of the plot ends come together. Its very good so far, so good look and toodles.
well, i didn't really feel the hate. Dunno, but the first time I read it, it kind of seemed more like the I hate you a bratty teenager would say when annoyed at mom than a real deepfelt rage. Other than that, no CC yet. However, the magic ban may get more sticky. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing all of the plot ends come together. Its very good so far, so good look and toodles.
1/11/2006 c1 5Medieval Fantasy Freak
Well, I could tell that you put some thought into your characters, so that's good. But, the problem I see is your dialogue. It lacks details. Most of the time, you don't even tell who is talking, you don't tell how they say, you just put what they say and move on. YOu may need to work on that. :D
5Medieval Fantasy FreakWell, I could tell that you put some thought into your characters, so that's good. But, the problem I see is your dialogue. It lacks details. Most of the time, you don't even tell who is talking, you don't tell how they say, you just put what they say and move on. YOu may need to work on that. :D
1/11/2006 c2 1rrmehta364
in the sentence, "The he thought, it’s hopeless." the the ought to be a then.
I was about to write Ashanen seems more thirteen than eighteen, but you beat me to that one. Well, all I can say is good characterization there.
if she fell in love with a prince, she would be a princess. Thus, she would have guards trailing her 24/7 wouldn't she. And I think guards are a lot more resourceful and a lot less dumb than people make them out to be (steps of soapbox) However, I'm guessing she was a former thief or conwoman or something like that. Basically, the invite would be for the Prince's wife, and not Allie, so she probably isn't exactly at liberty to give it away.
Wait, why would Eiran know random peasant. Also, founding a shop is very expensive. My relatives in India founded a tea shop six years ago, and they still are in debt. That was with hundreds of members of the family there to support them if anything goes wrong. Once, again, steps of his soapbox.
anyways, great chapter. Normally, I'm against putting too many characters into one chapter but the timing of it all seems right. Anyways, good job, and I'm looking forward to reading more. Oh, and sorry for forgetting ficpress for so long.
1rrmehta364in the sentence, "The he thought, it’s hopeless." the the ought to be a then.
I was about to write Ashanen seems more thirteen than eighteen, but you beat me to that one. Well, all I can say is good characterization there.
if she fell in love with a prince, she would be a princess. Thus, she would have guards trailing her 24/7 wouldn't she. And I think guards are a lot more resourceful and a lot less dumb than people make them out to be (steps of soapbox) However, I'm guessing she was a former thief or conwoman or something like that. Basically, the invite would be for the Prince's wife, and not Allie, so she probably isn't exactly at liberty to give it away.
Wait, why would Eiran know random peasant. Also, founding a shop is very expensive. My relatives in India founded a tea shop six years ago, and they still are in debt. That was with hundreds of members of the family there to support them if anything goes wrong. Once, again, steps of his soapbox.
anyways, great chapter. Normally, I'm against putting too many characters into one chapter but the timing of it all seems right. Anyways, good job, and I'm looking forward to reading more. Oh, and sorry for forgetting ficpress for so long.
1/10/2006 c7 9Alteng
Well, I would well guess that the chapter title refers to Elloise. Ah, poor Quinton doesn't know what kind of clever vixen he is up against.
And poor Isana. She is stuck in her own trap. This will be an entertaining mess to clean up when the time comes.
9AltengWell, I would well guess that the chapter title refers to Elloise. Ah, poor Quinton doesn't know what kind of clever vixen he is up against.
And poor Isana. She is stuck in her own trap. This will be an entertaining mess to clean up when the time comes.
12/31/2005 c6 Alteng
Sorry for the delay. I have been busy with the joys of Christmas. yay . . .
Anyway, the girls seem to have themselves in a spot of trouble, and the chancellor might end up dumped out in the garden somewhere for fertilizer. He's got two girls not very fond of him.
Poor Anders. I think he is a bit smitten with Cadis. Oh well, the woman, who bites, might be the most entertaining. She would definately wear the pants in this realtionship.
Sorry for the delay. I have been busy with the joys of Christmas. yay . . .
Anyway, the girls seem to have themselves in a spot of trouble, and the chancellor might end up dumped out in the garden somewhere for fertilizer. He's got two girls not very fond of him.
Poor Anders. I think he is a bit smitten with Cadis. Oh well, the woman, who bites, might be the most entertaining. She would definately wear the pants in this realtionship.
12/6/2005 c6 2Cirex
Aww... poor Ander. You've done a good job setting up these relationships, I find that I really care about what happens. I hope that Ander and Cadis manage to reconcile their differences...
If I could give you ANY CC, maybe in this place:
“Look, really,” he began, but she cut him off. “No, you look..." - What you could do, to make it more "cut off", is just drop the descriptor. So... - “Look, really-” “No, you look!" Erm, something like that. Hope you see what I'm trying to get at :P.
2CirexAww... poor Ander. You've done a good job setting up these relationships, I find that I really care about what happens. I hope that Ander and Cadis manage to reconcile their differences...
If I could give you ANY CC, maybe in this place:
“Look, really,” he began, but she cut him off. “No, you look..." - What you could do, to make it more "cut off", is just drop the descriptor. So... - “Look, really-” “No, you look!" Erm, something like that. Hope you see what I'm trying to get at :P.
11/30/2005 c6 KaronePrincess
Hey Islandbreeze, it's me KaronePrincess,
I am really enjoyed reading chapter 6.
You story is REALLY AWESOME. The story has several events going throughout the story. And that's made you story unique. I am seriously love it.
Islana is very nice. She stuck with Prince Ashanen. Hehe he still didn't know her real life. But she is beautiful and nice.
Elloise...poor..her...she is trying to talk to Prince Charles, but get interrupted and that "Checellor" is watching her every move. By the way what is his name? And why he's watching her all at times?
I love Cadis and Ander. They are always fighting and argue each other. They made ma laughed. Please let thm fight. It's very funny and intereing to the story. At the end of the chapter, Ander said that he will not be defeated by her. Uh..oh...more interesting things happen between them. Oh..I can't wait to more about them!
The plot is really great!
Please DO CONTINUE and UPDATE SOON!I am EAGER to read more!
Thanks!
KaronePrincess
Email:
Hey Islandbreeze, it's me KaronePrincess,
I am really enjoyed reading chapter 6.
You story is REALLY AWESOME. The story has several events going throughout the story. And that's made you story unique. I am seriously love it.
Islana is very nice. She stuck with Prince Ashanen. Hehe he still didn't know her real life. But she is beautiful and nice.
Elloise...poor..her...she is trying to talk to Prince Charles, but get interrupted and that "Checellor" is watching her every move. By the way what is his name? And why he's watching her all at times?
I love Cadis and Ander. They are always fighting and argue each other. They made ma laughed. Please let thm fight. It's very funny and intereing to the story. At the end of the chapter, Ander said that he will not be defeated by her. Uh..oh...more interesting things happen between them. Oh..I can't wait to more about them!
The plot is really great!
Please DO CONTINUE and UPDATE SOON!I am EAGER to read more!
Thanks!
KaronePrincess
Email:
11/28/2005 c6 KaronePrincess
Horay...Yes...!
You finally updated!
You don't know how long it is I'm waiting for you to update!
I really LOVE the story!I LOVE most is Cadis and Ander's fightings and arguments. He has a feeling for her, but she doesn't know, in fact, she HATES him. Aw...that's so funny...and...sweet! I really love it.
I love other couples, too.
For now, I'm off to read this chapter and will leave you comments!
Thanks!
KaronePrincess
Horay...Yes...!
You finally updated!
You don't know how long it is I'm waiting for you to update!
I really LOVE the story!I LOVE most is Cadis and Ander's fightings and arguments. He has a feeling for her, but she doesn't know, in fact, she HATES him. Aw...that's so funny...and...sweet! I really love it.
I love other couples, too.
For now, I'm off to read this chapter and will leave you comments!
Thanks!
KaronePrincess