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11/8/2005 c1 32Mike James Watson
even better than the last i read. the interruptions between are well placed, the rhythm works well, and the randomly placed rhymes rolled quite well, nothing forced. again, bravo
9/23/2005 c1 whyt forest
Thumbs up for extended metaphor down to the hawks and exoskeletons.

This is very powerful. The way it flows from a peaceful town to destruction.

"Life is a festival" gorgeous line.

"and there is silence-"may i suggest the addition of "upon the ground" or something of that nature so that it makes more sense with the next stanza?
8/19/2005 c1 2philoslove
I think the line "today life is a festival/tomorrow, the locusts will come," is a very powerful and arresting phrase. It's very telling of life, and to me, it is rather a pessimistic outlook as well. I really do love this line.

The structure of the poem, separated into different number of lines for each stanza does fit the context. Especially when a stanza begins with "and there is silence-", it seems like a freeze frame, and a contrast to the previous line, which makes more of an impact.

Fantastic work.
8/17/2005 c1 6Nobody-n-Particular
Vivid imagery that seems to take a life beyond the screen as it swoops and triumphs amidst desolation.
8/17/2005 c1 152xoxoMizzatxoxo
sad, i hate war

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