for Seclusion8/22/2005 c1 
6Gilee7
When you first told me you posted some entries from your journal on here, I was kinda like ...ok, that's kinda weird, fictionpress isn't a place to be posting things from your little diary, it's for stories or poems. But this doesn't really seem like something from your journal, I mean it does, but not in the usual sense. It does seem like a short little vignette or something. I also don't really know what to say as far as critiquing it, because this is real, these are the words straight from your brain and onto the page descibing how you felt that day on December 27th, 2004. Although maybe you could get rid of that, because we don't need the date. It makes it seem too . . . dated, lol. The third line, that starts out: "So I lay there . . .", I felt like that should be "So I lie here" instead. By changing it to present-tense, it gives us that image of a girl (you) lying on her bed and writing this in her journal. If this was a made-up piece then I'd probably get more involved with the review and probably offer a bunch of different things, but like I said, I don't want to mess with this. And I don't have time to review the other one right now, but I'll try to do so sometime later. Write on, Kella!
6Gilee7When you first told me you posted some entries from your journal on here, I was kinda like ...ok, that's kinda weird, fictionpress isn't a place to be posting things from your little diary, it's for stories or poems. But this doesn't really seem like something from your journal, I mean it does, but not in the usual sense. It does seem like a short little vignette or something. I also don't really know what to say as far as critiquing it, because this is real, these are the words straight from your brain and onto the page descibing how you felt that day on December 27th, 2004. Although maybe you could get rid of that, because we don't need the date. It makes it seem too . . . dated, lol. The third line, that starts out: "So I lay there . . .", I felt like that should be "So I lie here" instead. By changing it to present-tense, it gives us that image of a girl (you) lying on her bed and writing this in her journal. If this was a made-up piece then I'd probably get more involved with the review and probably offer a bunch of different things, but like I said, I don't want to mess with this. And I don't have time to review the other one right now, but I'll try to do so sometime later. Write on, Kella!