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for Valor

2/2/2007 c1 8Atlas Bergeron
A pretty good story. Red seems a little too stupid; if he is willing to kill himself to save the rest of humanity, I find it odd that he would be saving single people (such as the 'woman' in the bank, and the child in the burning building), even though this might cost him his life. It doesn't seem like he has the right motivations to me.

The section that starts with -"His eyes rose up to the window..." and ends with "...the path he tumbled" is very confusing. I didn't know what was happening until two sentences later. I did not realize that a woman was attacking them. Maybe you could make this more clear.

Otherwise, good plot line. Sometimes wordy, but mostly clear. However, who did he kill at the end? Was it the younger version of himself(which is what I think you mean), or his brother? I didn't quite get that.

Good job.
8/22/2005 c1 14biminator
well, I enjoyed it. didn't know that it was going to be a one-shot, though. anyways, nicely done.

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