for The Run Aways9/13/2005 c1 LeavingNow
Wow!Some things I liked about this story was the imagery you placed in it. It's good to introduce an idea (such as the E'rith or idea of slavery) then later explain it. I really like your first sentence: "The day started out like most others: wet, slimy, and covered with alligators." This really hooks the reader's attention and makes them want to learn more. Again, watch your puncuation. This sentence could have a better configuration: "With Africa came a more tribal way of life and slvary being allowed." Good word to use in that sentence might be "Abolish" or somewhat. Your last sentence is a great cliffhanger! With just the first part: "But taking theat risk, they ran." Would be a good ending if you didn't plan a sequel. Keep going!
Wow!Some things I liked about this story was the imagery you placed in it. It's good to introduce an idea (such as the E'rith or idea of slavery) then later explain it. I really like your first sentence: "The day started out like most others: wet, slimy, and covered with alligators." This really hooks the reader's attention and makes them want to learn more. Again, watch your puncuation. This sentence could have a better configuration: "With Africa came a more tribal way of life and slvary being allowed." Good word to use in that sentence might be "Abolish" or somewhat. Your last sentence is a great cliffhanger! With just the first part: "But taking theat risk, they ran." Would be a good ending if you didn't plan a sequel. Keep going!
9/10/2005 c1 Orion
Good story. Enjoyed it very much. Keep writing and tell more of this couples story. The future slave class is very much like Hienlins's story in "Farnham's Freehold".
Good story. Enjoyed it very much. Keep writing and tell more of this couples story. The future slave class is very much like Hienlins's story in "Farnham's Freehold".
9/5/2005 c1 
9Reading Redhead
Hm, seems like an interesting start to a story. This could definitely go a few interesting places, and I'm looking forward to see where you decide to take it. Keep writing!
~Red
9Reading RedheadHm, seems like an interesting start to a story. This could definitely go a few interesting places, and I'm looking forward to see where you decide to take it. Keep writing!
~Red