for Cabin Four10/6/2006 c5 
9Sakura Taking
Interesting. I really like the occasional use of sarcasm. Can't wait for more! Keep writing. =)
9Sakura TakingInteresting. I really like the occasional use of sarcasm. Can't wait for more! Keep writing. =)
9/27/2006 c5 16brokendreams21
Um...interesting sarcasm at the end. Such...short chapters after a long time. Tsktsk. But not as bad as me. *Hangs head in shame* But you'll eventually make up for it by putting some super-duper ending to the story. Keep up the awesome work!
16brokendreams21Um...interesting sarcasm at the end. Such...short chapters after a long time. Tsktsk. But not as bad as me. *Hangs head in shame* But you'll eventually make up for it by putting some super-duper ending to the story. Keep up the awesome work!
2/1/2006 c4 24Fireeye Howlsong Rainpelt
I like it, but the chapters are awfully short. It's annoying to have one chapter long and then one so short you don't even have to scroll down to see all of it. Catch my drift?
The details could be portrayed a bit better, in my opinion, but I still like it. Your paragraphs could be a bit longer; don't ask how to do that, you really just gain the ability to do that over time. lol. Also, watch your spelling, punctuation. There are punctuation errors here-though they're very common, so don't feel bad-and quite a few typos. I have the same problem with the second.
Overall, I like it. Just try to get into the plot a bit quicker. It tends to keep readers interested; I've done stories where it took too long to get any action and it was a bust.
Keep going!
P.S. Thanks for the review of "Scarred." I appreciate that you took time out of your schedule to voice your opinion on it.
24Fireeye Howlsong RainpeltI like it, but the chapters are awfully short. It's annoying to have one chapter long and then one so short you don't even have to scroll down to see all of it. Catch my drift?
The details could be portrayed a bit better, in my opinion, but I still like it. Your paragraphs could be a bit longer; don't ask how to do that, you really just gain the ability to do that over time. lol. Also, watch your spelling, punctuation. There are punctuation errors here-though they're very common, so don't feel bad-and quite a few typos. I have the same problem with the second.
Overall, I like it. Just try to get into the plot a bit quicker. It tends to keep readers interested; I've done stories where it took too long to get any action and it was a bust.
Keep going!
P.S. Thanks for the review of "Scarred." I appreciate that you took time out of your schedule to voice your opinion on it.
1/31/2006 c1 23Crymson Tears
Well, you reviewed for me, so I'll review for you! It is wonderful so far, so I'm offto read the rest. See ya!
23Crymson TearsWell, you reviewed for me, so I'll review for you! It is wonderful so far, so I'm offto read the rest. See ya!
1/31/2006 c4 16brokendreams21
Interesting. I wonder what is gonna happen next...Another really good chapter...(except I kinda forget the story line...oh yes. Working at some place together...) Keep up the great work!
16brokendreams21Interesting. I wonder what is gonna happen next...Another really good chapter...(except I kinda forget the story line...oh yes. Working at some place together...) Keep up the great work!
1/29/2006 c3 51tdawgcars
Well it's been a good story so far...I can't wait for you to finish it! UPDATE SOON PLEASE!
Brandon
51tdawgcarsWell it's been a good story so far...I can't wait for you to finish it! UPDATE SOON PLEASE!
Brandon
1/25/2006 c3 16brokendreams21
Ah! It's not finished! I want to know what happens next...=( Keey writing and keep up the great work!
16brokendreams21Ah! It's not finished! I want to know what happens next...=( Keey writing and keep up the great work!
1/25/2006 c2 brokendreams21
That's so cool. I bet you anything that something is gonna happen there. Just you see. Anyways, it's a good idea. 4 friends getting a job at the same place. Way too much fun. The mom figure is described and depicted quite well. Awesome!
That's so cool. I bet you anything that something is gonna happen there. Just you see. Anyways, it's a good idea. 4 friends getting a job at the same place. Way too much fun. The mom figure is described and depicted quite well. Awesome!
1/25/2006 c1 brokendreams21
Yay! Lectures rule. (not) And it's an interesting start! I can't wait to read what happens next!
Yay! Lectures rule. (not) And it's an interesting start! I can't wait to read what happens next!
9/16/2005 c3 100Abby Sequioa
great story-I like the ideas out lined and everything, I exspecially like how you have the broken english when Mr. Suiyama and Karen are speaking
100Abby Sequioagreat story-I like the ideas out lined and everything, I exspecially like how you have the broken english when Mr. Suiyama and Karen are speaking
9/11/2005 c1 41sarah1491
Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I think it messed up while I typed it (because I used chapters) or while I uploaded it. I'll fix it A.S.A.P! Thanks for letting me know. :)
41sarah1491Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I think it messed up while I typed it (because I used chapters) or while I uploaded it. I'll fix it A.S.A.P! Thanks for letting me know. :)
9/11/2005 c1 10Ayunami Yori
Ok, so to be perfectly honest, I read this b/c it had my name in the summary. (My RL name is kaitlyn) But, um...what you have here isn't bad at all, it's just...lacking a lot of things. Like...what's going on? I mean, they're sitting in class talking, just general chat, no big deal, and then, Yori has a rapidfire change of opinion about Catty, you throw in a semirandom line about babysitting and it ends rather abruptly-did part of this not upload correctly or something?
10Ayunami YoriOk, so to be perfectly honest, I read this b/c it had my name in the summary. (My RL name is kaitlyn) But, um...what you have here isn't bad at all, it's just...lacking a lot of things. Like...what's going on? I mean, they're sitting in class talking, just general chat, no big deal, and then, Yori has a rapidfire change of opinion about Catty, you throw in a semirandom line about babysitting and it ends rather abruptly-did part of this not upload correctly or something?