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4/7/2010 c1 7Roxy Nadine
Not much to say because I have already praised you so much and... It would look repeating... but I loved it. You're such a poet
6/13/2006 c1 4lookingwest
good description, but you did the format thing again! besides that, i like the ending the best.
10/25/2005 c1 12Cougarphoenix
Wow, this is really powerful. Great visualizations/metaphors (whatever you want to call em), very lonely.

Two suggestions:

Stanzas might make this a tad easier to read, but the way it is seems a little more interesting, your choice

Change the last line: "without your full attention"...i don't know, it just seems like a little three-year-old's selfish desires to be the center of attention. I know that you were obviously trying to rhyme here, and the flow was practically flawless, but that last line: that was my first thought, i doubt that you want that with your readers, neh?

lol, overall great job like always, Valk, keep it up!

CPhoenix
9/11/2005 c1 127drblueface
That's beautiful...

The style is nice, the flow is very good, and the message makes me feel cold in a goodish way. But then, it might have something to do with that I feel incomplete when I'm not the centre of the universe. Beh. ^_^

Anyways, keep up the amazing work!

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