for The Sandpiper Show9/12/2005 c1 E. C. Doyal
First, I love the imagery here and the alliteration; you have a beautiful sound in this poem and it's fun to read aloud! My one suggestion would be to break up the first part of the poem a bit, even with a semi-colon or something. By the time I got to "Hodgepodge eyes" it was starting to run together and I got lost, had to stop and back up, which was a shame. Don't be afraid to punctuate it, the wording is good enough that your flow won't be interrupted. Great start!
First, I love the imagery here and the alliteration; you have a beautiful sound in this poem and it's fun to read aloud! My one suggestion would be to break up the first part of the poem a bit, even with a semi-colon or something. By the time I got to "Hodgepodge eyes" it was starting to run together and I got lost, had to stop and back up, which was a shame. Don't be afraid to punctuate it, the wording is good enough that your flow won't be interrupted. Great start!