12/4/2007 c1 Joyful Song
I thought your story was beautifully written. The infant's wonder of the world was captured uniquely. The story drew me in, and the atmosphere captured it.
There were two typo's I found:
"I wonder what color I eyes I have" &
"I than began to reach out my tiny hand toward hers to grasp it"
The latter one should be "then", not "than".
The only bit of criticism I have for the piece is that the "cough" was hard to read. Because there was no punctuation, it looked like the word "cough" would be part of the sentence. I don't know what's gramatically correct in this case, but I would have used: *cough*, [cough], or . Alternatively, the word "cough" could have been separated with paragraphs.
Once again, good job.
I thought your story was beautifully written. The infant's wonder of the world was captured uniquely. The story drew me in, and the atmosphere captured it.
There were two typo's I found:
"I wonder what color I eyes I have" &
"I than began to reach out my tiny hand toward hers to grasp it"
The latter one should be "then", not "than".
The only bit of criticism I have for the piece is that the "cough" was hard to read. Because there was no punctuation, it looked like the word "cough" would be part of the sentence. I don't know what's gramatically correct in this case, but I would have used: *cough*, [cough], or . Alternatively, the word "cough" could have been separated with paragraphs.
Once again, good job.
9/29/2007 c1 2The Lucifer Effect
I was attracted to this story because your sister was born on the exact same day as me. But I'm glad I read it.
Quite confusing, but overall beautiful and emotional.
I was attracted to this story because your sister was born on the exact same day as me. But I'm glad I read it.
Quite confusing, but overall beautiful and emotional.
9/19/2005 c1 Sarah
Wow... I really liked it a lot. It's super emotional. ^^ I havn't read anything that good in awhile.
Wow... I really liked it a lot. It's super emotional. ^^ I havn't read anything that good in awhile.