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for Sister, Save Me

4/7/2010 c1 7Roxy Nadine
Beautiful. And same happened to me. I had to lie to her and say, I'm straight, because she was so much of a Christian and she thought I loved her. Sucks
6/13/2006 c1 4lookingwest
hey, i've had religious probelms with one of my best friends too, and this really captures kind of what i felt at the time as well. i liked this poem, especially the end, its bitter in its own way but stands-out. the only thing that kept bothering me is that you actually formatted the poem correctly, but every line is capatlized, so you kind of obeyed grammer rules and then kind of didn't, haha. but anyway, besides that, i like this, it has feeling.
1/8/2006 c1 17Faerie Energy
Very nice. There's a good rhythm. Well written.

With all due respect,

Faerie Energy
10/30/2005 c1 12Learah Kaelar
That's so beautiful and sad, I know how you feel. It hurts to lose a friend, especially over something so trivial as sexuality.

Speaking of sexuality, I completely agree with what you said about being bi. (I am too!) It's like the homosexuals think we need to choose a 'side' and the heterosexuals think we're 'gay'. ERGH! Anyway.

Thanks for reviewing 'Poltergeist'! CougarPhoenix is awesome, isn't he? He was in my creative writing class, so that was fun (he goes to my high school). Anyway, thanks a bunch!

Blessed be!
10/24/2005 c1 8ValkyrieRavenfeather
Thanks; I love constructive criticism. Anything that can better my writing is appreciated. *yells at non-believers* Did you hear that? I've been flamed! BY MR FLAMES! LOL. I shouldn't be so proud, but Mr. Flames rocks.
10/24/2005 c1 6MrFlames
You ask for a flame, so I shall deliver.

Your first stanza isn't horrible. It isn't spectacular, but you seemed to have enough of a flow not to really crash and burn in the opening lines.

However, your second stanza gets really clunky. Your line breaks don't flow well and your word choice is less than ideal. Your third stanza becomes quite cliche, and was sufficiently bad to stop my reading there.

Overall, not the worst poem ever written. While I may empathize with your plight as listed in your a/c, you really fail to convey your plight and your emotions with a clunky, cliche poem.

Consider: "That all I did to help you,is now bringing death to me."

This is in your opening stanza, and doesn't really flow as well as it should. Contrast to:

"That all I did to help you,now brings death to me."

Retain the active voice. Of course, this hypothetically would break your 7-syllable line structure, however having a cute line structure isn't worth a penny if it makes your poem clunky.

Also, I think some people pronounce "screamed" as one syllable.

Congratulations, you have now been McFlamed. Good day, good luck, and write better, damn it, because you probably can if you stop trying to use stupid poetic rules.

10/15/2005 c1 126swift sky silver
i love the emotion and feeling put in to this. i can relate. keep writing =0)
10/13/2005 c1 1TechnicolorPants
Your poem is very deep, and very long. But the longevity made it one of the best poems I have ever read.

Thanks for your review.
10/7/2005 c1 1Ingenue Kitsune
I know exactly how you feel. I found out who my real friends were when I realized I was a lesbian... or bi, whatever. I lost a lot of good friends and gained lots of enemies... and yet... I found a way to be happy. I hope you've found the same. Favorites.(Kisses)

-Tiffany M.
10/1/2005 c1 35Infinity Plus One
Poor you. =(
9/23/2005 c1 24Moonjava
This is just so powerful. I really like it.
9/22/2005 c1 12Cougarphoenix
Wow...this is incredibly powerful..

But i can sympathize with you with the christian stuff. I also had a friend who walked away from me, and now returned after all the crap that she's given me..

She says that i'm bonded to a demon...


But yeah, i'm taoist, so you wouldn't have anything to worry about with me! lol.

Once again, beautifully written, though often times the most beautiful works come from tragedy...my best poem (not on fp.com) comes from my best friend's death...so yeah.

Keep up your writing, you're amazing!

9/22/2005 c1 33lostfish
Wow. Amazing poem. I loved the imagery, and everything. Its really powerful. great job.

So she's not your friend anymore, because your bi? Or is it because the Christian religion opposes against that? Well, you don't have to tell me, just wondering. Awesome poem though.
9/22/2005 c1 132mizu no kokoro
Still filled with heartfelt emotions~ good work!

keep writing!
9/22/2005 c1 24Reyavie
Hey there! I just read your poem and I liked it a lot. It's really sad but as I have passed through the same I definitively can relate. It's a great work and if she forgot your friendship for a choice of your own than she's the one missing.

See ya, Reyavie
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