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for Fade to White

6/27/2006 c4 1dawn's unforgiving darkness
hmm...I'm confuzzled(haha I love that word), which time period is this? you have a mix of the middle ages and present time here and i'm totally confused.
4/4/2006 c2 16Islandbreeze
Well, I don't exactly like Jerek, but the fact that he didn't kill the girl and the children point towards perhaps him working toward a good side.

Nosaj sounds real odious, and the men around him also, I suppose Jerek's raising wasn't exactly nurturing. However, if the Dark Lord kills everyone, why didn't they just kill him as a little child? Why take him? And I wonder if the girl is going to have a larger role, or was just to show Jerek's character.

The dialogue is natural, and I think the speaking and description balanced well. Interesting, I think a little more about the setting of Jerek's life would help set him in a concrete place, but it's not bad. Nice chapter
4/4/2006 c1 Islandbreeze
The beginning really brings across the tone of urgency, and the details about his hands are good, give a nice picture.

The little information, hinting about the Dark Lord also is a good way to introduce the conflict without ruining the snappy pace of this with too much explanation. You picked good word choices to use to convey the feeling you wanted, like with the forced smile.

In the sentences around 'four hours later' you repeat "old man" a lot, maybe another descriptor could ease that repetition.

I like the way you ended this, finishing the episode you began but leaving tons of questions. I wonder who the boy is and who the old man 'won't let win', armies of the Dark Lord maybe?, and why. Good beginning :)
3/28/2006 c3 axiden
Hmm..I think it's good...Too bad Jerek becomes the bad guy..But I really like your character! =)
3/28/2006 c3 the-galaxy
Wow.. you seriously need more reviews than this. This is probably way better then all those other stories out on fictionpress with more then 10 reviews. I love your writing style and it hardly has any spelling mistakes. The first and second chapter kind of confused me though... What was the significance of that first girl in chapter 1?

Well, either then that I thought this story was incredible. I really can't wait to read the next chapter. I hope you update soon.

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