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for The Demon Named Human

3/13/2007 c1 3Shandiin
Oh! Oh! I loved it. It was very fluid and the rhythm suited the poem. Three critiques. First is the title: It sounds like you're writing about some annoying little creature, not something deep about humanity. Second is: "But no ones mistake goes unpunished, In the world that Human blemished." Those two lines disturb the fluidity. Third: the last three lines are very awkward; I would take out the last line. It steals most of the rising impact and power from the poem. Just some suggestions; I don't know your purpose, but it's just how I interpret things.

-Agadinmar
10/17/2005 c1 Alice Fey
Very beautiful, I agree with one of the other reviewers the title doesn't give the poem justice. It's a interesting title, but the poem needs a much more powerful and demanding name. But that's only my personal opinion. Keep writing beautiful poetry.
10/14/2005 c1 KillerOfClocks
*Sigh* Nature's song. Wonderful imagery. ^_^Sorry it took me so long to review back- I'm trying very hard to review people who review me. O_O
10/11/2005 c1 242LauraKM
Very powerful. The rhyme works well. Good repetition, the title seems to be lacking some of the stregth in the poem though.
10/9/2005 c1 1bizzybee
WHOA! I Love this poem! So so SO well written, great rhythm, and just overall fantastic message. I have to say I read almost all the poems on this site, and this one has the best meaning behind it. You said all the things that needed to be said, but with the best language. We really did screw up the world. I mean we have everything, and we're still not satisfied; we're still fighting, we're still killing. We're still screwing up. You have to write another! Great work!
10/8/2005 c1 64Kassia Scarlett
I concur. Human beings really have F'd everything up on the planet. Funny, everyone says that the economy would suffer if we stoped using fossil fuels but I think the economy would suffer alot more if we were all dead. The only thing that I didn't find amusing was the thing about "none will reach heavan's gate". Come on though. Not all humans are bad. Sure the race in genneral is a load of SOB's but every now and then you get a genuinly awesome person. Don't lose your faith in people, there ARE good ones. It's just the evil ones that everyone hears about.
10/8/2005 c1 24Reyavie
It's so true that's almost scary. Humanity really destroyed a lot, almost everything we ever cared for or will ever treasure.

But anyways I love this poem, well written (I can't rhyme to save my life *grins*)and expressive.

Keep going, Reyavie
10/6/2005 c1 8demondragon666
that was realy good...i loved your use of descrtiption...that was a really awesome poem girlLuv ya!
10/6/2005 c1 Disturbed Insomniac
wow... this is true. humans are demons on earth. all we do is destroy whats around us. well written.
10/6/2005 c1 100Naomi Nyx
Firstly, a fascinating and accurate poem that I enjoyed immensely. Thank you for your reviews, they are much appreciated.

-Peace
10/6/2005 c1 132mizu no kokoro
Very interesting point of view~~ good work with portraying the conflicts of your subject~

keep writing!
10/6/2005 c1 hey maria
Oh, very nice.

The rhymes flow well...I can never manage to do that when I try to write rhyming poems. I love the meaning behind this too...humans have brought about so much destruction. The last lines were very powerful. Good job.

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