for Charms and Curses6/3/2011 c12 
24Elennar
I didn't like the way you suddenly changed narrators without any warning, because it took me a little time before I realised it was Shasta. I'd suggest either mentioning in the chapter title, or following a strict cycle of change, so readers don't get jarred.
I also didn't like the whole 'conjuration' deal: I'm sorry, it just sounds like something that would happen in Sabrina/Harry Potter. While I CAN suspend my disbelief for those genres, I need to be thoroughly used to it to be able to accept it; but the way you started this story made me feel the magic would be the subtler variety, like in Practical Magic.
Sorry.
24ElennarI didn't like the way you suddenly changed narrators without any warning, because it took me a little time before I realised it was Shasta. I'd suggest either mentioning in the chapter title, or following a strict cycle of change, so readers don't get jarred.
I also didn't like the whole 'conjuration' deal: I'm sorry, it just sounds like something that would happen in Sabrina/Harry Potter. While I CAN suspend my disbelief for those genres, I need to be thoroughly used to it to be able to accept it; but the way you started this story made me feel the magic would be the subtler variety, like in Practical Magic.
Sorry.
6/3/2011 c11 Elennar
I really liked the way you devoted the first scene To Justinian and Dmitri, because it made a great diversion from the main plot; and it also kept me interested in the developement of the slightly dysfunctional relationship the witch and the demon share.
I didn't like the line, "My mom's cousin's house", He said plainly.
That adjective really doesn't add a thing to the narrative; so really, you should cut it out.
I really liked the way you devoted the first scene To Justinian and Dmitri, because it made a great diversion from the main plot; and it also kept me interested in the developement of the slightly dysfunctional relationship the witch and the demon share.
I didn't like the line, "My mom's cousin's house", He said plainly.
That adjective really doesn't add a thing to the narrative; so really, you should cut it out.
6/3/2011 c10 Elennar
I liked the way you explained about familiars and 'fantasy creatures' because it didn't feel like an info-dump, given the kind of information it had.
However, I found you used the word 'down-trodden' in one or two places where the word didn't fit. 'Down trodden' means oppressed, and that just doesn't make sense given the context. I'd say you want something like disappointed or some other variation of the same sentiment.
I liked the way you explained about familiars and 'fantasy creatures' because it didn't feel like an info-dump, given the kind of information it had.
However, I found you used the word 'down-trodden' in one or two places where the word didn't fit. 'Down trodden' means oppressed, and that just doesn't make sense given the context. I'd say you want something like disappointed or some other variation of the same sentiment.
6/3/2011 c9 Elennar
Somehow, I didn't care much for Dawn being all weird and embarrassed about being caught shirtless in front of Shasta because: he's a guy, and guys (gay or not) are pigs, semi-nudity isn't a big deal with us, especially around others guys. Also, it's not like he has body image issues; he's supposed to pump iron.
Now, I liked Nikko's little episode with the fact spewing, it really added a lot of character building to his character.
Somehow, I didn't care much for Dawn being all weird and embarrassed about being caught shirtless in front of Shasta because: he's a guy, and guys (gay or not) are pigs, semi-nudity isn't a big deal with us, especially around others guys. Also, it's not like he has body image issues; he's supposed to pump iron.
Now, I liked Nikko's little episode with the fact spewing, it really added a lot of character building to his character.
6/3/2011 c8 Elennar
I really liked how you proceeded with the ritual to summon Justinian because I found it confusing.
I didn't really like Shasta's 'teleportation' spell, it sort of made this sound a lot like Harry Potter. And by that I mean, the genre changed from paranormal/urban fantasy to fantasy; which made me feel over-arched somehow
I really liked how you proceeded with the ritual to summon Justinian because I found it confusing.
I didn't really like Shasta's 'teleportation' spell, it sort of made this sound a lot like Harry Potter. And by that I mean, the genre changed from paranormal/urban fantasy to fantasy; which made me feel over-arched somehow
6/3/2011 c7 Elennar
I liked how you wrote Shasta not-so-above casting truth spells, because I liked how you had a little bit of amorality lurking there, it keeps the character from becoming too boring.
I didn't like Shasta's ridiculous cluelessness about Dawn's sexuality because I just found it really unrealistic. It isn't that hard to put together
I liked how you wrote Shasta not-so-above casting truth spells, because I liked how you had a little bit of amorality lurking there, it keeps the character from becoming too boring.
I didn't like Shasta's ridiculous cluelessness about Dawn's sexuality because I just found it really unrealistic. It isn't that hard to put together
6/3/2011 c6 Elennar
I think there's a typo/missing word in the line, "I was afraid you say...write that" There should be a 'would' after the 'you'.
I also liked the way Shasta explained about golems and Dmitri because it didn't sound like an info dump.
I think there's a typo/missing word in the line, "I was afraid you say...write that" There should be a 'would' after the 'you'.
I also liked the way Shasta explained about golems and Dmitri because it didn't sound like an info dump.
6/3/2011 c5 Elennar
I really liked the opening scene because it flowed really well, especially with that little piece of Shakespeare
I liked the scene with Nikko and Dmitri in the moonlight, because it looked really artistic when I pictured it: these two men facing off each other in the silvery moonlight with broken glass shimmering underfoot
I really liked the opening scene because it flowed really well, especially with that little piece of Shakespeare
I liked the scene with Nikko and Dmitri in the moonlight, because it looked really artistic when I pictured it: these two men facing off each other in the silvery moonlight with broken glass shimmering underfoot
6/3/2011 c4 Elennar
I liked how you described the big black book that Shasta was holding, because I enjoyed the imagery you used of the crinkly pages and all; it was a real good bit of descriptive writing.
Later on in the chapter, I also enjoyed Dawn's uh moments inside Shasta's flat: you had a great way of racheting up the sense of un-ease and horror in that scene!
I liked how you described the big black book that Shasta was holding, because I enjoyed the imagery you used of the crinkly pages and all; it was a real good bit of descriptive writing.
Later on in the chapter, I also enjoyed Dawn's uh moments inside Shasta's flat: you had a great way of racheting up the sense of un-ease and horror in that scene!
6/3/2011 c3 Elennar
I loved the opening scene where you show Dawn painting- it was written in a way that seemed very convincing and natural, the whole painting process.
I also liked how you have a 'switch' which keeps flicking on and off inside Dawn because it was a really quirky little plot twist.
I loved the opening scene where you show Dawn painting- it was written in a way that seemed very convincing and natural, the whole painting process.
I also liked how you have a 'switch' which keeps flicking on and off inside Dawn because it was a really quirky little plot twist.
6/3/2011 c2 Elennar
I really liked how you described the interiors of Shasta's apartment because of how detailed it was, in a way that didn't seem like an info dump.
I also liked how you had Karen asleep with a glass cupped in her hand- it was really cute, and also a great bit of character building!
I really liked how you described the interiors of Shasta's apartment because of how detailed it was, in a way that didn't seem like an info dump.
I also liked how you had Karen asleep with a glass cupped in her hand- it was really cute, and also a great bit of character building!
6/3/2011 c1 Elennar
The first thing that really hooked me to this story was the premise; and the beginning of the plot. It was really original; and the fact that Practical Magic is one of my most well loved movies of all time only added fuel to the fire so to speak.
I also really liked how you didn't have the petals float away mysteriously or anything- because you managed to "keep it real", something that I really appreciate!
(Courtesy of the Review Marathon, hosted by the Review Game. Link in my profile!)
The first thing that really hooked me to this story was the premise; and the beginning of the plot. It was really original; and the fact that Practical Magic is one of my most well loved movies of all time only added fuel to the fire so to speak.
I also really liked how you didn't have the petals float away mysteriously or anything- because you managed to "keep it real", something that I really appreciate!
(Courtesy of the Review Marathon, hosted by the Review Game. Link in my profile!)
5/22/2011 c33 Azsia
Please update! im dying to know what happens!
Please update! im dying to know what happens!
5/11/2011 c33 blackcherry21
UPDATE YOU OLD HAG! i say old hag because you must be one from how much time has passed with no update.
UPDATE YOU OLD HAG! i say old hag because you must be one from how much time has passed with no update.
5/7/2011 c9 jayanx
You had me at the last question, I've been enjoying this story as I've read it during the slow periods at work, but Monty Python refrences are the surefire was to win me over!
You had me at the last question, I've been enjoying this story as I've read it during the slow periods at work, but Monty Python refrences are the surefire was to win me over!