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for Double Deception

11/5/2005 c1 1Goddess Aurora
Great job! I think third person POV is fine. The atmosphere you built within this short story is very powerful. I could feel Virlais' dilemma, but I think the ending is a bit abrupt.
10/25/2005 c1 1rrmehta364
good job. a little sketchy on the detail, but it let us fill it in with our imaginations. hopefully the tube hasnt killed it yet. well, anyways i liked it quite a bit the way it is, and third person works fine. however, i cant really tell you which one is better unless i c the first person in front of me.
10/23/2005 c1 9ice flyer
Wow. awesome. this was great! i loved the thoughts and the style and everything - third person seems to work really well. The "tomorrow she died" repetition was very powerful, though it was a little confusing. One thing: Virlais was spelled "Virlias" once i think. But anyways..wow. :)
10/20/2005 c1 19Lara Bykirk
Wow. You really built the tension well there. I really liked this. I liked the way you never really said what happened, but instead left it all up to our imaginations. The atmosphere, too, is really good.

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