
11/5/2005 c1
1Goddess Aurora
Great job! I think third person POV is fine. The atmosphere you built within this short story is very powerful. I could feel Virlais' dilemma, but I think the ending is a bit abrupt.

Great job! I think third person POV is fine. The atmosphere you built within this short story is very powerful. I could feel Virlais' dilemma, but I think the ending is a bit abrupt.
10/25/2005 c1
1rrmehta364
good job. a little sketchy on the detail, but it let us fill it in with our imaginations. hopefully the tube hasnt killed it yet. well, anyways i liked it quite a bit the way it is, and third person works fine. however, i cant really tell you which one is better unless i c the first person in front of me.

good job. a little sketchy on the detail, but it let us fill it in with our imaginations. hopefully the tube hasnt killed it yet. well, anyways i liked it quite a bit the way it is, and third person works fine. however, i cant really tell you which one is better unless i c the first person in front of me.
10/23/2005 c1
9ice flyer
Wow. awesome. this was great! i loved the thoughts and the style and everything - third person seems to work really well. The "tomorrow she died" repetition was very powerful, though it was a little confusing. One thing: Virlais was spelled "Virlias" once i think. But anyways..wow. :)

Wow. awesome. this was great! i loved the thoughts and the style and everything - third person seems to work really well. The "tomorrow she died" repetition was very powerful, though it was a little confusing. One thing: Virlais was spelled "Virlias" once i think. But anyways..wow. :)
10/20/2005 c1
19Lara Bykirk
Wow. You really built the tension well there. I really liked this. I liked the way you never really said what happened, but instead left it all up to our imaginations. The atmosphere, too, is really good.

Wow. You really built the tension well there. I really liked this. I liked the way you never really said what happened, but instead left it all up to our imaginations. The atmosphere, too, is really good.