for PROMISCUOUS INNOCENSE : THE EROTIQUE DISTURBANCE7/18/2015 c2 
14Mislav
This is an interesting story. The characters seem complex and character traits and relationships could make for a great plot. Sex scenes were pretty hot. My only suggestion is to fix some grammar errors, stop using a word "then" so often and add more descriptions. I hope that you will continue!
14MislavThis is an interesting story. The characters seem complex and character traits and relationships could make for a great plot. Sex scenes were pretty hot. My only suggestion is to fix some grammar errors, stop using a word "then" so often and add more descriptions. I hope that you will continue!
6/28/2009 c1 1FuneralForAMarker
There were typos, grammatical problems, inconsistencies and random capitalization that made it very hard to immerse in the story.
And you used "then" 103 times. It ended up to the point where all the sentences started to blend into a long run-on.
-jam
1FuneralForAMarkerThere were typos, grammatical problems, inconsistencies and random capitalization that made it very hard to immerse in the story.
And you used "then" 103 times. It ended up to the point where all the sentences started to blend into a long run-on.
-jam
10/15/2005 c1 wonder-T.J
damn, that shit was good, that had me at the edge of my chair while reading it,i really like it, good erotic thriller,i cant wait til part 2,who got shot is on my mine right now, good!
damn, that shit was good, that had me at the edge of my chair while reading it,i really like it, good erotic thriller,i cant wait til part 2,who got shot is on my mine right now, good!