for Hot and Cold10/23/2005 c1 Abby
This story is really good. I'm so disappointed that there's only one chapter. UPDATE SOON!
This story is really good. I'm so disappointed that there's only one chapter. UPDATE SOON!
10/21/2005 c1 Sohnia
Really good story! It is very funny! Nice job and update soon! xoxo
Really good story! It is very funny! Nice job and update soon! xoxo
10/19/2005 c1 
7yarrowicefrost
this is pretty good:) But you should be careful about your punctuation.Also,when writing multiple POVs in a chapter, its better to put some sort of marker when switching POV's, else it gets somewhat confusing. Anyhow, update soon!
7yarrowicefrostthis is pretty good:) But you should be careful about your punctuation.Also,when writing multiple POVs in a chapter, its better to put some sort of marker when switching POV's, else it gets somewhat confusing. Anyhow, update soon!
10/19/2005 c1 5Caremel
I actually really like your opening. I wouldn't use the word maid if I were you- perhaps babysitter/housekeeper? There's weird connotations to the word maid. Check you punctuation and run-on sentences- major run-on problems. It is really annoying how you interject with "sigh" every now and again. You should also look into commas to make your story more comprehensible. Good job though.
5CaremelI actually really like your opening. I wouldn't use the word maid if I were you- perhaps babysitter/housekeeper? There's weird connotations to the word maid. Check you punctuation and run-on sentences- major run-on problems. It is really annoying how you interject with "sigh" every now and again. You should also look into commas to make your story more comprehensible. Good job though.
10/19/2005 c1 5jacksy
hey cool story, but was a bit confused when u changed POV's just need to say when it was, but a good story none the less loldv8ing
5jacksyhey cool story, but was a bit confused when u changed POV's just need to say when it was, but a good story none the less loldv8ing
10/19/2005 c1 none
hey i like your story! i just have one question, i thought darath just transfered to that school?
hey i like your story! i just have one question, i thought darath just transfered to that school?
10/19/2005 c1 7Juniper Nights
that was pretty funny. One thing that might help the story is just one persons pov. By not showing what the guy is thinking it gives him an air of mystery. The reader only hears what the girl is thinking and is left in the dark with the guy. ^_^ anyways good start hope to see more
7Juniper Nightsthat was pretty funny. One thing that might help the story is just one persons pov. By not showing what the guy is thinking it gives him an air of mystery. The reader only hears what the girl is thinking and is left in the dark with the guy. ^_^ anyways good start hope to see more
10/19/2005 c1 Terri
Omg this story is so cute! i am looking to read more!
Omg this story is so cute! i am looking to read more!