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for The Children of the Wilds

6/21/2006 c15 Celyn
Hm... more reaction to her uncle's death?

Otherwise fine. I love your place names still, and the hunters are wonderfully creepy.
6/21/2006 c15 Oesus
*gasp* Broachen died? Hacked into pieces no less my gosh :/ (It's so disgusting how someone could even hack another into peices) What the heck will Alida do now! Eh. Why couldn't the hunters enter the canyon? Does some even more horrid thing await her? Ack. A nice action packed chapter albeit with some horrifyingly gory parts. And i was going to comment before i read the gory part that you had this comfortable, relaxing pace going, though the sudden action almost gave me a heartattack haha. So i guess you should be commended on er the smooth(?) transition and the ability to give your readers near heart attacks haha. :/ Gosh. I do hope i'm making sense and not sprouting absolute gibberish :p
6/20/2006 c15 2Casey Drake
oh no...!

what happens now?

:) CD
6/19/2006 c14 Celyn
I like. Can't help wondering what exactly did happen with Alida...

By the way, you spelt her name Aleda towards the start... first time it's used in this chapter, I believe.
6/17/2006 c14 Casey Drake
YAY! You're back! check your email.

:) CD
6/16/2006 c14 12Lccorp2

T'alnoth of the Gold Flight:

Well. Good work, a few spelling errors which I pointed out to you but nothing else...

Look forward to the next instalment!
6/8/2006 c13 Oesus
I really like the pace of the story (: Everything seems to fall in place nicely without being rushed. There is an awful lot of information to absorb from it though (I guess that might be partly cause i read it all in one seating haha), and i'm still slightly confused about how 'Leil' can actually make quite abit of sense even when his soul/spirit has left him? I do like the new character though! (: Wait. Actually i like pretty much all the characters except for the evil Miskavel (or at least i think he is evil at this point in time :P). The numerous POVs are very interesting too i must say. I don't think i've ever read a story with this much different POVs. I'm not entirely sure yet if i like this though i do understand where you're coming from (erm i think so). There just seems to be so many subplots! But i'm sure everything will clear out when the big picture emerges! Oh oh! I think some of your ideas are really original too! Platinium cravings and the whole dreamwalker thing? Gotta love it (: Oh! Another question: Will we find out more about dreamwalkers? Is it genetic based or sth? Seems a tad bit random to be at this moment. And i'm a total romance buff so i cant help but wonder if there are blossoming romances in the plot! =DD Can't wait to read more (:
5/4/2006 c2 7Every Thought
'Scuse me for my spelling error last review - "extremely" was what I meant to say.

Alida... it's an interesting name to match an interesting character. I, too, am fond of telling a story through different perspectives, as I find it refreshing compared to the usual single-narrator story.

I'll be reviewing the next chapter in a bit.

- Every Thought
5/3/2006 c1 Every Thought
Your writing is extrememly striking. The only error I found in the first chapter was in the quote, "but not after you have wished you were dead a hundred thousand times over." A 'hundred thousand times' seems a bit over-kill to me... It may just be a pet peeve of mine, but either 'hundred' or 'thousand' may have done justice.

Besides this small correction, I have little else to say except well done and congradulations. I love it!

Every Thought
5/2/2006 c11 1BlackStaticWolf
"I wasn’t sure if that was my excuse or my explanation or my expression of annoyance when Broachan sighed and asked me just how much my father had taught me.": There should be commas separating each item in this list. I'd also recommend nixing the the "or" that precedes "my explanation."

"just as Delvar and Sharn refused to admit to telling the truth.": Why would someone refuse to admit that they're telling the truth? Unless I miss my guess, I think you meant for a "not" to precede "telling."

"The Greening was an unpreposing building that, rather than towering as I’d imagined it might, sprawled.": The word unpreposing struck me, because I'm unfamiliar with it. I've been unable to locate it in any dictionary... so I think you may have meant to use a different word. Based upon the context of the sentence, I think that unpromising, unimposing, or unprepossessing would all be appropriate. Unprepossessing seems to fit best.

"So I’d become cold, prone to platinum cravings and as easily bruised as an overripe apple.": It think there needs to be a comma between "cravings" and "and."

"Not Broachan, I couldn’t see him anywhere.": There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but it seems superfluous to me. I think you could do without it.

All in all, very good stuff. I'm enjoying the story.
5/1/2006 c10 BlackStaticWolf
Ok, so I just realized that I read the first ten chapters in one sitting, so I have to say very nice work.

Your writing style is very lucid and engaging. I've actually found it very difficult to read with the intent of finding places to make suggestions or anything because I keep getting sucked into the story.

So, very nice work.
4/30/2006 c13 20Qu33n of Spades
I very much enjoyed this chapter. I hope that Esled stays part of the plot; writing a chapter from his POV hints that you will, but then you may surprise me and take this story a completely different way than I think you're going to. That wouldn't necessarily be bad; surprises and plot twists are the foodstuffs of the mind. ER... something wise and quotable like that. Anyway, I think you did a good job with this. I especially like Leil's dialogue and reactions, as they indicate that there's something wrong with him mentally, but doesn't overdo it.

Very good job. I look forward to reading more.
4/29/2006 c1 73An Inside Joke
I really like the premise. You rushed through some moments that seemed important and emotional- you might have focused on charecters' reactions more.
4/28/2006 c12 2Casey Drake
oo! Tamen meets Alida!

though not exactly in the BEST circumstances...

4/28/2006 c13 12Lccorp2

Archdemon Lord Duffikus:

I'm sure it all makes sense to Liel...then again, I've got nothing to say. You know what that means. Well, aside from one error... you stuck together "hisclothes".
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