for Bright Autumn days1/31/2006 c1 
182Jason Daniels
i really enjoyed the end, with the cut off of the rhyme scheme. somehow the line with "what is left to show" doesnt really feel like a question more like a statement of observation also some of the lines dont seem to fit like you forced it a little too much because when i read it i see an image but in some spots i get lost and i have to re focus myself by reading it again.like when you say " and tires melt" it seems not to fit with the rest of the image. all my opinion and i could be totally wrong. its good 4/5. well done
live on the edge...
182Jason Danielsi really enjoyed the end, with the cut off of the rhyme scheme. somehow the line with "what is left to show" doesnt really feel like a question more like a statement of observation also some of the lines dont seem to fit like you forced it a little too much because when i read it i see an image but in some spots i get lost and i have to re focus myself by reading it again.like when you say " and tires melt" it seems not to fit with the rest of the image. all my opinion and i could be totally wrong. its good 4/5. well done
live on the edge...
10/24/2005 c1 12AmethystAsphyxiaion
farmer girl!i really quite like it! if you're lookin to tweak it a bit, could add some colour tones.. lose the tires? i don't know.. i didn't like the tires. the butter churning is a little random but i like the melting butter image. the cards also come in sort of randomly.
but otherwise
i like it. i do. :D
12AmethystAsphyxiaionfarmer girl!i really quite like it! if you're lookin to tweak it a bit, could add some colour tones.. lose the tires? i don't know.. i didn't like the tires. the butter churning is a little random but i like the melting butter image. the cards also come in sort of randomly.
but otherwise
i like it. i do. :D