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3/6/2009 c1 10Elephant-Artist
Nice Rhyming.
11/25/2005 c1 39Moppish
Spectacular job on rhyming with this poem. I love the rhyming scheme. Just a few suggestions:1. "And the victim meets its gray doom," There are too many sylables in this phrase. Either that or the accent is on the wrong word, so try rephrasing it a little bit. 2. "The wound cries out a flood,And out come lakes of blood,And shall drown in the flood,"The first line doesn't really make sense... the second line is fine... and the third line doesn't make sense at all AND you already used the word "flood". So try to rework that little section. I love the ending line though.
11/6/2005 c1 132mizu no kokoro
wow, a small intriguing vampire story in poetry form~ nicely done!

keep writing!
11/3/2005 c1 55DarkPharaoh1666
Excellent write. Vampires give you so much to work with, dont they?
10/28/2005 c1 64Arwen Starfire
Awesome poem, the imagery is very vivid. Perfect for this time of year.
10/27/2005 c1 73Rozlin
absolutely haunting!

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