for Weather of the Tower12/26/2005 c1 
123Raya Dronaile
hey, I thought since no one had reviewed this story of yours and since you gave a very good review of my work I would do the same. ^_^ Now bare with me here, I don't normally critique work like this especially stories.
"May all the curses of the depths fall down on Fujetsu!"
I was a bit baffled(sp. I can't spell good and I have no word program *grumbles*) by that sentence above. I was not sure if it was what someone was thinking or said or what. If it was supposed to be a thought what I find works is using italics so that other readers will know it someone's thoughts. I could be wrong though, you probably have it there for another purpose.
"the storm caught Koyose's black hair and turned it into a playground for the aggressive wind."
I really enjoyed how you described this, it was very original.
"pouring stroked of light"
I believe that was mispelled. I am not sure if you meant strokes or streaks.
"While walked towards "
I believe you meant "walking" instead of "walked" since one is past-tense(sp).
"and he did not care where it landed" I liked that part, I found it somewhat humerous. It shows how much he truly doesn't seem to care about the situation.
"the weather around the tower became clearer and clearer with every scream." I also like this. It gives it a mysterious effect and somewhat dark. Especially when the weather is supposed to clear with every scream...that kinda makes you wonder what is going to happen in the next chapter.
Overall I really enjoyed the beginning of this story. You have revealed some of your intents of the future but only just enough to captivate the readers. Maybe a little bit more work on describing his surroundings might make it sound even better.
I also thank you for reviewing my story.I know I have a lot of grammar problems but I don't have anything to correct it with and I normally don't see them, lol
It is kinda hard for me to describe how the wolf and the woman change from one to the other. Its kinda like having a soul inside of your own. The reason why I jumped from the prologue to the future is because that prologue is actually from a text role play because I tend to do that a lot. It was where Selene was kinda born. And for the rest you will just have to read if you are interested:P But don't worry, I plan on finishing it tonight but since I don't know where you live it is 7:40pm right now so it shouldn't be too long. Oh yea, its set in the future. She was just in an unpopulated area up in the North Pole.
Again, thank you very much for your critism, I don't get that very often and I like to improve my work.
123Raya Dronailehey, I thought since no one had reviewed this story of yours and since you gave a very good review of my work I would do the same. ^_^ Now bare with me here, I don't normally critique work like this especially stories.
"May all the curses of the depths fall down on Fujetsu!"
I was a bit baffled(sp. I can't spell good and I have no word program *grumbles*) by that sentence above. I was not sure if it was what someone was thinking or said or what. If it was supposed to be a thought what I find works is using italics so that other readers will know it someone's thoughts. I could be wrong though, you probably have it there for another purpose.
"the storm caught Koyose's black hair and turned it into a playground for the aggressive wind."
I really enjoyed how you described this, it was very original.
"pouring stroked of light"
I believe that was mispelled. I am not sure if you meant strokes or streaks.
"While walked towards "
I believe you meant "walking" instead of "walked" since one is past-tense(sp).
"and he did not care where it landed" I liked that part, I found it somewhat humerous. It shows how much he truly doesn't seem to care about the situation.
"the weather around the tower became clearer and clearer with every scream." I also like this. It gives it a mysterious effect and somewhat dark. Especially when the weather is supposed to clear with every scream...that kinda makes you wonder what is going to happen in the next chapter.
Overall I really enjoyed the beginning of this story. You have revealed some of your intents of the future but only just enough to captivate the readers. Maybe a little bit more work on describing his surroundings might make it sound even better.
I also thank you for reviewing my story.I know I have a lot of grammar problems but I don't have anything to correct it with and I normally don't see them, lol
It is kinda hard for me to describe how the wolf and the woman change from one to the other. Its kinda like having a soul inside of your own. The reason why I jumped from the prologue to the future is because that prologue is actually from a text role play because I tend to do that a lot. It was where Selene was kinda born. And for the rest you will just have to read if you are interested:P But don't worry, I plan on finishing it tonight but since I don't know where you live it is 7:40pm right now so it shouldn't be too long. Oh yea, its set in the future. She was just in an unpopulated area up in the North Pole.
Again, thank you very much for your critism, I don't get that very often and I like to improve my work.