for Slave and Master, Part 1:Consequences5/8/2008 c3 Naramyon
I LOVE the way you've made the last sentence(s) glimps of the future.
One thing I don't get. If this is a yaoi, and Calen is the main character, where the hell is he going to get a son from? O.o
I like your characters. You've made sure to give them each a fault, so they seem more realistic (I'm sure you hate that word by now.) instead of a child's make-beleive friend. (I loathe those characters.)
Great job with this chapter!
~The Critic, Zoa
I LOVE the way you've made the last sentence(s) glimps of the future.
One thing I don't get. If this is a yaoi, and Calen is the main character, where the hell is he going to get a son from? O.o
I like your characters. You've made sure to give them each a fault, so they seem more realistic (I'm sure you hate that word by now.) instead of a child's make-beleive friend. (I loathe those characters.)
Great job with this chapter!
~The Critic, Zoa
5/8/2008 c2 Naramyon
Dun, dun, dun. Perfect cliff-hanger.
I like:
1. It's perfect, how you DIDN'T make Calen infalable. The Lord was clever, and spotted the asassin. Makes things interesting and realistic.
2. Love the forboding end of the chapter. You set the mood expertly.
~The Critic, Zoa
Dun, dun, dun. Perfect cliff-hanger.
I like:
1. It's perfect, how you DIDN'T make Calen infalable. The Lord was clever, and spotted the asassin. Makes things interesting and realistic.
2. Love the forboding end of the chapter. You set the mood expertly.
~The Critic, Zoa
5/8/2008 c1 Naramyon
I give this chapter a 10/10.
I liked:
1. How you introduced the characters as they proceded about their day.
2. I love how you implied the future plot. You told us that the king is starting to doubt the Shikkart's loyalty.
3. I like how you creatively handled the twins mind link. They weren't talking to each other, it's more like thoughts over-flowing into each other. You made it seem more realistic.
4. I also like how you used the mind-link to imply a massacure(sp?).
I didn't like:
1. You didn't describe the surroundings much, but your story was filled with so much else that the readers' mind is left to wander.
2. That the main character(s) are 13. (You made it sound like they are 13.) I agree with Calen, 13 is much to young to kill people professionally(sp?).
I enjoyed this chapter. I can't wait to see the rest of the story.
~The Critic, Zoa
(Author Alert list)
I give this chapter a 10/10.
I liked:
1. How you introduced the characters as they proceded about their day.
2. I love how you implied the future plot. You told us that the king is starting to doubt the Shikkart's loyalty.
3. I like how you creatively handled the twins mind link. They weren't talking to each other, it's more like thoughts over-flowing into each other. You made it seem more realistic.
4. I also like how you used the mind-link to imply a massacure(sp?).
I didn't like:
1. You didn't describe the surroundings much, but your story was filled with so much else that the readers' mind is left to wander.
2. That the main character(s) are 13. (You made it sound like they are 13.) I agree with Calen, 13 is much to young to kill people professionally(sp?).
I enjoyed this chapter. I can't wait to see the rest of the story.
~The Critic, Zoa
(Author Alert list)
3/27/2008 c13 
6Kalista Jia
soo sad!
You really killed * !
well at least he stopped him from going after his ...!
so brave!
6Kalista Jiasoo sad!
You really killed * !
well at least he stopped him from going after his ...!
so brave!
3/27/2008 c8 Kalista Jia
this few chapters are really breath taking. I was holding my breath as I read! Wow! truly is amazing! I like the last few paragraph in ch 8. I mean really LIKE THEM!
Fyan is been an awesome brother, I would do the same too if I need to save my family. Thanks for making me realise that !
this few chapters are really breath taking. I was holding my breath as I read! Wow! truly is amazing! I like the last few paragraph in ch 8. I mean really LIKE THEM!
Fyan is been an awesome brother, I would do the same too if I need to save my family. Thanks for making me realise that !
3/27/2008 c6 Kalista Jia
omg so touching this scene! I love it! It banged my chest like a BANG! lol ok I am not good in words!~ but you know what I mean!
omg so touching this scene! I love it! It banged my chest like a BANG! lol ok I am not good in words!~ but you know what I mean!
3/26/2008 c1 Avili
I lyk the name Gaiver...sounds nice
Gaiver gaiver gaiver gaiver,
I have a twin! XD
I lyk the name Gaiver...sounds nice
Gaiver gaiver gaiver gaiver,
I have a twin! XD
11/16/2007 c53 PandaIzumi
I just read this whole story in two hours. I oved it. It almost made me cry. My eyes teared up and everything. I'm gonna go read the second part right now.
I just read this whole story in two hours. I oved it. It almost made me cry. My eyes teared up and everything. I'm gonna go read the second part right now.
5/27/2006 c52 Widom
Oops. I meant Calen.Ah-ha. LOOKED like dead, but not actually dead. God, without the foreshadowing I might have gone insane with character-death grief.
Oops. I meant Calen.Ah-ha. LOOKED like dead, but not actually dead. God, without the foreshadowing I might have gone insane with character-death grief.
5/27/2006 c51 Widom
*throws kinves* I knew it, I knew it! Why would you HURT GALEN?Nevermind, I know: Plot advancement. I forgive you (or do I?) because there are something like two chapters left and your froeshadowing earlier said Galen would live.
*throws kinves* I knew it, I knew it! Why would you HURT GALEN?Nevermind, I know: Plot advancement. I forgive you (or do I?) because there are something like two chapters left and your froeshadowing earlier said Galen would live.
5/27/2006 c50 Widom
I knew it! *triumph* Well, sort of. I wasn't expecting the King to show up (although it had to happen eventually, I suppose) but I knew there was a twist somewhere.
I knew it! *triumph* Well, sort of. I wasn't expecting the King to show up (although it had to happen eventually, I suppose) but I knew there was a twist somewhere.
5/27/2006 c49 Widom
Curse this site! "Site overloaded, please try again..." Dammit!
*cough* Anyway...I'm glad they're happy-ish now (a fact I would have told you had this site not been being horrible) but I know something else must happen. You have a way of writing stories with happiness and joy before a horrible, heart-breaking disaster (a trick which I love, by the way.)
Curse this site! "Site overloaded, please try again..." Dammit!
*cough* Anyway...I'm glad they're happy-ish now (a fact I would have told you had this site not been being horrible) but I know something else must happen. You have a way of writing stories with happiness and joy before a horrible, heart-breaking disaster (a trick which I love, by the way.)
5/27/2006 c45 Widom
Cliffhanger! No!*sniff* I never said I'd stopped beta-ing for you, and, while I'm sure there are better ones out there, I'd still like to.
Cliffhanger! No!*sniff* I never said I'd stopped beta-ing for you, and, while I'm sure there are better ones out there, I'd still like to.