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8/30/2006 c8 UJWF0WFW0FWE0WEF0
I don't like this one...not to say it's bad I just don't like it as much as some of your others.
8/30/2006 c7 UJWF0WFW0FWE0WEF0
This one I get...I think.
8/15/2006 c8 879Moondog Dozier
"his fingers tap the tones on the-grinding wheel", is marvelous. I would like to see the form that you intended this to be in, as formatting adds alot to a presentation, and I know FP limits that, but this stands alone well here, it speaks and scratches at the individual in the greater whole. Throughout this entire collection the voice of the works stands out and captures the readers attention, empathy, relatability, and it speaks many truths that are profound. I quite enjoyed this. Very poignant, as it gently coaxes the reader to examine more closely specific situations, emotions, and social relevances. Great write.
8/15/2006 c7 Moondog Dozier
This is truly relatable. The voice carries a social, and personal tone that the reader can identify with. Good work.
8/15/2006 c6 Moondog Dozier
"Four by three and still calculating", is wonderful phrasework. Well done.
8/15/2006 c5 Moondog Dozier
Not sure that I grasp this fully, but it is thought provoking.
8/15/2006 c4 Moondog Dozier
Very visual scene created, and the informed voice gives credence to the final question. Good work.
8/15/2006 c3 Moondog Dozier
The tone in this brings the reader in. So much philosophical and sheer wonderment. The wanting to know, wanting to see, wanting to feel comes across concretely. Very well written.
8/15/2006 c2 Moondog Dozier
So much sound and rush to this. Reminds me of Pablo Neruda somehow, very overflowing visual lines that contribute to the sound. Excellent work.
8/15/2006 c1 Moondog Dozier
Marvelous voice and form. I like how it slopes down the page, and the format definately enhances the visual, and adds a vessal for the imagery of the words. "a child, still as the lonesome-...queen bee,", is a particularly capturing image and connection. Well done.
7/31/2006 c8 6Nobody-n-Particular
The diction is excellent, just take out the "whatever" at the beginning - the first three lines are lovely on their own.
7/31/2006 c7 Nobody-n-Particular
Enjoyed the "replicating tones"
7/31/2006 c6 Nobody-n-Particular
Fervent tone.
7/31/2006 c5 Nobody-n-Particular
Splendid and succinct.
7/31/2006 c4 Nobody-n-Particular
Indeed the cause of purpose.
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